"Emerge Victorious | 4 ways to support a friend going through a divorce" (tweeted by Kathleen O'Connor) says a lot that I know, more from my divorcing friends than divorcing clients, but says it way better, more deeply, humanely, resoundingly, and nuancedly than I could. While I say it's stuff I knew, maybe I didn't know that I knew all of it, and couldn't say it, until I read this article.
But here's what's missing: DON'T egg your friend on. DON'T make judgments that she should give up on the marriage, or about the details of the divorce, based only on the incomplete information she gives you. The incompleteness of your knowledge of the facts and the law, and of her knowledge and reporting of the facts, can multiply ignorance, rashness and hostility exponentially. Sadly, in most separations and divorces, each spouse is in his own echo chamber; his friends, relatives, and even lawyer can only reflect back his own partial reporting and understanding of what has happened, of its meaning and importance, and of his spouse's motives.
But here's what's missing: DON'T egg your friend on. DON'T make judgments that she should give up on the marriage, or about the details of the divorce, based only on the incomplete information she gives you. The incompleteness of your knowledge of the facts and the law, and of her knowledge and reporting of the facts, can multiply ignorance, rashness and hostility exponentially. Sadly, in most separations and divorces, each spouse is in his own echo chamber; his friends, relatives, and even lawyer can only reflect back his own partial reporting and understanding of what has happened, of its meaning and importance, and of his spouse's motives.
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