The Family Law News Blog

It's not about the wife!

Some more perspective on Spitzer and the Mrs., from one of my gurus on such matters, Diane Sollee of smartmarriages.com, discussing another one of our mutual gurus, Dr. Frank Pittman:

"I didn't see the Today Show but dozens of you did and were appalled that Dr.
Laura was blaming the wife....I guess the thought is she didn't bake enough
pies or perform well enough in bed??  Or, maybe it's because she only gave
the Gov three daughters, no sons?  Puleeze!  As Frank Pittman points out, the
performance or non-performance of the wife doesn't predict squat when it
comes to infidelity.  Pittman says to look, instead, at what a man was
taught by his father and uncles (his tribe) about what it means to be a
successful man. Is a successful man the one with the most stuff including a
wife, kids and as many mistresses as he can afford and get away with?  Or,
is a real man one who is committed to his marriage, his family, his vows?
If you want to understand this whole Spitzer conundrum and what we can do
about it, I highly recommend you start with Frank's books: "Private Lies:
Infidelity & the Betrayal of Intimacy"; "Man Enough: Fathers, Sons & the
Search for Masculinity"; and, "Grow Up! How Taking Responsibility Can Make
You a Happy Adult" -- and IT his Smart Marriages keynote: "What Are Men for,
Anyway?"  You can order the keynote at 800-241-7785."

Columnist: Stop pressuring wronged wives to divorce.

Maggie Gallagher came out with one of those observations that has been vaguely bothering me for years, but which I probably couldn't have articulated in a million years, in her column today, "SPITZER, STOP TORTURING THE WIFE" --

"Can we end the public practice of trying to shame these wives into divorcing their husbands?  There's a reason we feel impelled to do this these days. ... Because we no longer have any public punishments for adultery, we have turned wives into instruments of the public morality; if she doesn't punish him by divorcing him, he will go unpunished, which is intolerable.  (Without some punishment, won't all husbands stray?) I'm tired of this transference of the sins of the husband onto the wife. Leave the wives alone."

Speedy New York Divorce Needs Proof of Fault :: WRAL.com

An AP story that's being reprinted all over, for example, here, says:

"New York is the only state that won't allow the speedy dissolution of a marriage without proof that one spouse is somehow at fault, experts say."

Not exactly. New York allows no-fault divorce after one year of living apart in a legal separation, and the separation can be procured either by mutual consent of both parties, or by court order on fault grounds.

But several other states also require one year of separation for a no-fault divorce, although  none of those states absolutely requires fault or mutal consent in order to get a divorce. In Maryland and Pennsylvania, the wait is two years if there is no mutual consent, and one year if there is. They don't require a formal separation order or agreement in order to start the one-year clock, though.

Arkansas probably has the longest minimum waiting time for a consensual no-fault divorce: 18 months, regardless of mutual consent.

Brooklyn Jury Denies A Fault Divorce

Brooklyn Jury denies a fault divorce

Many comments have basically said "Only in New York". But in Northern Virginia, where I practice, fault divorces (like the Taub case) are often dismissed, and some judges often dismiss no-fault divorces because the plaintiff cannot prove one year's separation or six months' in-state residency, as required by the divorce statutes.

Utah enacts divorce prevention / trial separation package

A Utah divorce lawyer and legislator has sponsored legislation requiring divorcing couples with children, and allowing those without children, to attend "a divorce orientation class ... to help them understand the impacts of divorce, provide resources for strengthening their marriage, and resources to go through the divorce and deal with post-divorce issues with less pain, if they proceed." It also  lets couples file for temporary separation instead of divorce. More information is on the Smart Marriages site.

Text of the legislation, as enacted

Judge candidates critique divorce law & process

Candidates stress ways to speed divorce.

By ADRIAN ANGELETTE
The Baton Rouge Advocate
Sep 11, 2006

[This article presents the experience and views of four candidates for a Baton Rouge family court judgeship. All four candidates seem to have a lot of family law experience, wisdom, compassion, and a commitment to reform. At least two are involved in collaborative divorce and mediation, and two vowed to stop having off-the-record conferences with lawyers without the clients, which they said gives clients the impression of secrecy and corruption. The excerpts below are about reforms in the availability of divorce.]
…
Pam Baker
An attorney since 1984, Baker said she wishes the state would return to a system in which people first filed for legal separations before filing for divorces. The current system, which requires a spouse to file for divorce right off the bat, creates an immediate barrier to reconciliation.

Baker also said a new Louisiana law that forces couples with minor children to wait a year before getting their divorce finalized will create more litigation. Baker said more people will choose to have “fault trials” — or highly contentious hearings where one spouse accuses the other of horrible acts — in an attempt to shorten the lengthened process.
…
Tom Gibbs
…
Like Baker, Gibbs said he thinks the new state law requiring a one-year waiting period before divorces can become final will create more litigation in Family Court and end up not serving the Legislature’s intended purposes.

“Anything that prolongs the process isn’t good for anyone except for the lawyers,” Gibbs said.

The Legislature’s intention was to give people more time to reconcile, he said.

“It’s just a matter of passage of time. Once the parties get to a lawyer, they’ve already decided the marriage is over.”
…
Melanie Newkome Jones
…  And although her parents have “the perfect divorce” and there is no animosity, Jones said, there still are strains, especially for children.

“It’s like the death of the family for a child,” she said.

What's the worst that could happen in a divorce?

ABC News has a fun and comprehensive story called "Divorce Wars" (7/20/06) documenting the crazy, hateful things people do to each other in divorces. It may be short on redeeming "social and political import" but as a divorce lawyer and critic I liked it a lot. Fun quotes from it:

Raoul Felder says: "the wife and daughter are going to end up with the entire proceeds of this house that is going to be worth much more because he blew it up."

"It's easy to forget divorce usually begins because at least one party thinks it will solve his or her problems. As writer Dorothy Dix once noted, 'Many people think divorce is a panacea for every ill. … They find out, when they try it, that the remedy is worse than the disease.'"

New York Matrimonial Commission calls for court reform, easier divorce

The Matrimonial Commission, an arm of the state's court system, recently issued a report calling for fundamental family court reform, some form of faster no-fault divorce, and many other changes. It is the product of years of study and public hearings about problems with the state's current system for dealing with family law cases.