Texas courts give couples a manual and a quiz along with a marriage license

   

When You Get Married is a handbook distributed by the Texas Attorney General’s Office, authorized by legislation passed in 1999. It is available in English  and in Spanish. Besides advice on marriage and legal issues and financial issues (including considerable information about dealing with exes, child support from previous couplings, visitation, etc.) the booklet is also a workbook, with spaces for both the bride and the groom to answer the following questions:

∑ What is your definition of a good husband?
∑ What is your definition of a good wife?
∑ What is your definition of a good marriage?
∑ Make a list of the things that you want most from your marriage, then compare your lists.
∑ What do you want from your marriage?
∑ What does your spouse want most?  What does he or she really need in order to be happy with your marriage?
∑ List specific and positive actions that are inexpensive and that your spouse could do often.
∑ It makes me happy when you:____________.
∑ What originally attracted you to your spouse?
∑ What was it about your spouse that led you to want to marry him or her?
∑ Name some ways you think you arealike.
∑ Names some ways you think you are different.
∑ Have you resolved a problem in your relationship yet, what was the problem and what was the solution?  Was there a better solution you can think of now?

CHILDREN

∑ Which parent should discipline the children? Should children ever be spanked?
∑ Should the mother work outside the home when the children are not in school yet?
∑ Children from a previous relationship: When will they visit?  Where will they stay in the house?  For how long? Have you talked to your children about your new spouse and marriage?  How did they react?   How do they feel?   Do they like your new spouse?

MONEY

∑ If you have separate finances now, each of you should write out your current budget, how much you make and how much you spend and where it all goes.
∑ Fill out a budget for shared expenses.
∑ What do you do with the money that’s left?
∑ Do you have any debts, credit card balances, student loans, what is your plan for paying them off?
∑ To meet your own expenses will you combine your income? Contribute equally? What is your plan?
∑ What expenses are necessary, what are optional, how much will you save?  Tithing or giving to charity?  Helping out your family?  If anything is left over at the end of the month, what will you spend it on?
∑ How much do you need to have in the bank for a rainy day?  Have you ever been caught short by an unexpected expense?  What happened?  What did you do?  What could happen now and how would you handle it?
∑ What are your career plans for the future? Does either of you expect to go back to or continue school? Do you think you will need to move because of a job?
∑ It is important to place financial security ahead of having good times with the family: agree, disagree, or undecided?
∑ A wife should have her own bank account separate from her husband’s: agree, disagree, or undecided?
∑ The person who makes the money should have the final say about how it will be spent: agree, disagree, or undecided?
∑ You may agree that each of you should have an “allowance”— a certain amount of money to spend as you please. How much? 
∑ Suppose you see something that you want or that you would like to buy for both of you. What amount of money would you spend without consulting the other first? $20? $50? $100?

LIFESTYLE

∑ What are your husband’s or wife’s top three personal interests?
∑ What are the three things the two of you most like to do together?
∑ Do you know what your husband or wife did today at home or at work, when you were apart?

IN-LAWS

∑ In-laws should be consulted in important decisions that affect your marriage: agree, disagree,or undecided? Grandparents should be consulted about how to raise the children: agree, disagree, or undecided?

FAITH & VALUES:

∑ Discuss your faith and moral beliefs: _____ We have the same faith. _____ We share many basic moral beliefs. _____ We agree on some things, not others. _____ We have different beliefs. _____ Not sure.
∑ Will you go to religious services? (circle one)  Yes     No     Not sure
∑ Where and how often?
∑ ___ More than once a week _____ Once a week  _____ Occasionally _____Never
∑ What faith will your children be taught? Will they go to religious services?  What religious services?
∑ List your highest moral values.

Comments

[Malik Ahmad]

Great post. I found this post very useful. I think giving couples any tools that will help them think about the seriousness of their relationship is a great idea.

[Cheryl Gowin]

What a great idea. We have a five week premarital program that includes 4 counseling sessions before the marriage and one after. Each person also completes a Prepare and Enrich questionaire, with the goal of providing comparisions and highlight potential problem areas.