'... Lawyer Bruce Christensen confirmed that the author has never met the boy, but denied that the youngster has expressed an interest in seeing his dad or is suffering from his absence.
“This is the first time I’m hearing about this,” Christensen said. “When a child never had a father, how would he know what to miss?
“This is no different from the hundreds of thousands of other children who have to live without a parent.”'
GOVERNOR PROPOSED SUBSTITUTE INSTEAD OF APPROVING:
APPROVED BY GOVERNOR:
Über ehestablisierende Rechtstechniken
On Marriage-Stabilizing Legal Techniques
by Prof. Dr. Hans Hattenhauer
Zeitschrift fuer das gesamte Familienrecht (FamZ) 1989, page 225 et. seq.
Summary and Explanation by Antje S. Heinemann, J.D., with assistance by John Crouch, J.D., and Susan Winston, J.D. candidate, University of Miami School of Law
In this article Prof. Hattenhauer deals with the need to stabilize marriages and the legal instruments and techniques to do so.
As marriage is a lifelong relationship it is always endangered by its duration. Because of the changes of various circumstances such as society, the spouses’ financial situation and economic development/expansion etc., marriage has lost a lot of its functions and is therefore today even more deemed to be only a short-term rather than a long-term “operation”.
But how have humans in history of mankind been able to make marriages work as a long-term relationship and make this long-term relationship an ideal of a marriage? Knowing that trust of only biological/emotional forces and the spouses’ good will are not enough to make a marriage a “long-term operation”, former cultures have stabilized it with various techniques.
As Hattenhauer states that there is up to now hardly no fundamental scientific research on this issue, he limits his point of view in his article to marriage-stabilizing legal techniques. This makes him first think of some very general questions such as: What is society’s moral understanding and what is universally valid? What is the general social consensus that courts must respect? At what point is the jurisdiction exceeding its authority when it determines what the ideal of marriage?
To find answers he works with various theses:
Marriage is the foundation of family. Family is based on marriage and – at best – includes children. In contrast to this, any other model of a “family” such as homosexual cohabitation, a commune or heterosexual cohabitation without being married is not legally binding and it can therefore not achieve the same privileges as a marriage.
Marriage is an “enterprise for maintenance”. As society has changed into an industrial society and the welfare state has been established, marriage has lost a lot of its maintenance character and functions. However, it has never totally ceased to be an “enterprise for maintenance”, which is shown by the unbroken importance of support payments. This support for spouses and children will never be completely replaced by government.
In addition to this financial “maintenance”, marriages also give enormous personal and emotional support. This support is not replaceable at all. Today, this support is even more appreciated than ever before.
Up to now the maintenance character of marriage (both financial and emotional) has been obvious. After the long-term period of upbringing the children the period of growing old usually began. The parents then needed support and care-taking themselves.
But increased life expectancy, both parents’ working, and the social security system have created a completely new period between these two periods. During this phase the spouses are usually not aware of their mutual maintenance obligations and therefore the duration of marriage is weakened. As also sexual morality has changed, marriage has furthermore lost a lot of its sexual maintenance character.
The ecclesiastical sacrament of marriage has been replaced by the civil marriage. Today, marriage is legally understood as a contract.
Although we see today all these changes to the maintenance character of a marriage, there is still a huge private interest for stability in marriages. It is important for governmental authorities to assure a process of stabilization, as stable marriages ensure the people’s life quality.
People entering a marriage often have to make sacrifices such as giving up parts of their personal freedom or privacy. As some kind of compensation the state is giving them married privileges and protection by law. Art. 6 GG, (i.e. Grundgesetz, the German constitution) for example, protects family and marriage. To give the same bonuses to other, less legally binding, types of relationships won’t be justified. These bonuses are such as, but are not limited to, support, inheritance, child custody, and in case of dissolution of marriage, a system to solve conflicts as the law determines alimony, support, division of pension rights etc.
As, because of the great public interest in long-term marriages, smart states have developed certain marriage-stabilizing policies, they have laid down marriage and family in the constitution.
The history of occidental marriage has been the history of the privatization of marriage. Marriage has become more and more a subject of the couple’s dispositions. Today spouses can determine nearly everything regarding their marital relationship. Since spouses can do so, such agreements, their compliance and their enforcement, need protection by the government.
The process of privatization is neither irreversible nor deplorable. Privatization is justified as an act of liberation from governmental constraints.
After the breakdown of the middle-class model of marriage (after 1968) as the “moral monopoly,” we find today a pluralism of ideals of marriage. The question today is: What kind of law do we need in times of pluralism, which does justice to all models and groups? What kind of law does not impose too much stabilization to the ones not interested, and does not refuse to give stability to the ones who ask for it? How can the government take care of marriages and create a law that meets all interests? How does a catalog of acknowledged ideals of marriages look like?
In the history of marriage, the non-formal (regarding the entering and dissolution of marriage) Roman marriage, the “matrimonium liberum”, has been surprisingly durable. Alfred Soellner has stated that the reason for this stability was the use of a certain legal technique: the dowry, the “dos”. The dowry was the father-in-law’s contribution to the husband in a considerable amount of money to give the marriage a binding character. The marriage and the financial contribution were strictly connected. Conversely, only an endowed marriage was acknowledged as a valid marriage. A marriage without dowry instead was regarded as void.
The dowry was highly important to wives. It was so important that the father-in-law sometimes had to impose it on the husband. The financial contribution was also a matter of the wife’s reputation. A woman who was not endowed was contemptuous. If the family was poor, the daughter sometimes had to go to the brothel.
The purpose of the dowry was to stabilize the marriage: The profits made out of the financial contribution were used to maintain the family, especially during the first years. The ongoing sanctions in case of conflicts guaranteed the existence of the marriage. Both spouses had to take care of the marriage to be entitled to the benefits of the financial contribution. In case of adultery or filing a divorce, e.g., the wife lost all her entitlements for the return of the contribution in total. If the husband wanted to commit adultery or wanted to get divorced he had to be afraid of losing the dowry, which helped to keep him from doing so. It was also possible for the wife to determine a contractual penalty for the husband, which he had to pay if he had a concubine. In general one could say: He who wanted to give his wife back had to give the contribution back.
According to Hattenhauer this was the reason why marriages without dowry had always been more endangered by divorce than others, and why the Romans preferred marriages within one’s station. A poor wife could be easily rejected but in case of a high dowry the rejection always meant a bad loss. On the other hand, a marriage with a high dowry was sometimes quite difficult to handle for a poor husband, because then he had to endure the moods of his rich wife. Thus, the Romans found the ideal marriage where there was a dowry and the financial background had been equal.
Hattenhauer then describes the marriage in the rabbinical-talmudical law and states that it was quite similar to the Roman model: Without a trousseau a woman was not allowed to marry. If necessary the money was taken from the community’s funds for the poor. In addition to that, there was also the dowry (which could be in property or money). The dowry always continued to be the property of the wife but was administrated by her husband, who often had a right of usufruct of it. The couples necessarily had to settle upon a marital agreement. Beside certain other agreements the spouses agreed about the “Ketubah”, which was the sometimes considerably high amount of money the husband had to pay in case of the dissolution of marriage (divorce or death). The amount had to be in accordance with a minimum sum and depended on the amount of the dowry. A marriage without a “Ketubah” was not completely valid and considered as a concubinage.
Hattenhauer states that both dowry and “Ketubah” stabilized marriages. As the capital stock usually was invested in the husband’s enterprises, his cravings for divorce were reasonably minimized. On the other hand a mean wife, whose “Ketubah” had been high enough, could sometimes leave the husband desperate. To explain this dilemma Hattenhauer cites the case of Rabbi Nachman: He couldn’t get divorced from his mean wife because the “Ketubah” was too high, but his disciples finally collected the money to pay him off and gave him freedom.
The purpose of the “Ketubah” to stabilize marriages was clear: The rabbis created the “Ketubah” to make it more difficult for the husband to leave his wife.
Hattenhauer then examines the German model and states that the German law did not adopt the Roman model schematic. In the 17th – 19th century it was held that the common marital agreements in Germany didn’t comply with the narrow frame of the Roman “pacta dotalia” because they were not limited only to financial transactions. Up to the effective date of the BGB, (Bürgerliches Gesetzbuch, i.e. Civil Code), January 1900, the Germans and Europeans practiced marriage-stabilizing by using various kinds of marital agreements. They had various names, varieties, and a high practical importance. They had such names as pactum dotale, pactum nuptiale, Ehepakt, Ehegedinge, Ehestiftung, Eheberedung, and Brautlaufbrief.
A marital agreement was defined as any legal transaction that determines rights and obligations of spouses. The essence of those agreements was that there were personal and financial agreements at the same time. However, the financial settlements – the agreement about the husband’s or wife’s financial contribution to the marriage – predominated. Being an important financial source for the maintenance of the family, the assets were important to stabilize marriages. The husband administrated the estate and was liable for its continued existence. In these marital agreements the spouses could also agree about the husband making a contribution to the wife in return, or a security payment for the dowry.
Those types of marital agreements were not only settled between rustic, but also aristocratic, spouses.
Beside the above mentioned possible settlements the German marital agreement in these times above all also contained agreements about inheritance (wills or any other kind of inheritance transactions). The spouses, e.g., agreed about the future of financial contributions, reciprocal assigning, and provision for children. The husband also often agreed that his heirs had to support his wife after his death. Thus, marital agreements and agreements about inheritance went hand in hand. The variety of such agreements was enormous, especially in the area of non-codified law, where spouses had creative scope.
The personal decisions in marital agreement included mainly decisions about parenting, religion or an agreement about the place of residence. The custody often was transferred completely to the wife. The spouses also settled agreements about support and education of the children in case of their divorce or agreed about contractual penalties if for example one of them refused the performance of matrimony.
Hattenhauer states that there are good grounds to consider the German model as a Christian model. In comparison between the Roman and Jewish model on one side and the Christian model on the other side you will find that the most important difference is that the church never stabilized marriages by using financial transactions. As the Christian model of marriage, the holy sacrament, can never be dissolved, and assets were not necessary to enter one, this model didn’t need financial transactions. In addition to that, social classes were not important at all, and even poor people or slaves could enter a marriage.
According to the Roman model the limits of contractual freedom only were the compulsory law and morality. The various effective laws in former times gave the spouses different kinds of creative freedom. The “Preussische Allgemeine Landrecht” from 1794 hardly contained hardly any regulation about marital agreements, but regulated everything regarding the marriage itself. The “Saechsische Buergerliche Gesetzbuch” from 1863/1865 regulated everything in great detail.
All those regulations described as what is today known as the principle of morality, § 138 BGB (Buergerliches Gesetzbuch, the German Civil Code). According to the institutional character of a marriage as an ideal in the 19th century, a marriage rather was a moral than a legal phenomenon. Morality was then the most important limit on the freedom of contracts. In those times it was therefore determined in a very detailed manner what kind of agreements were void because of immorality: any agreement in which the spouses:
- assigned the wife to the husband’s power
- waived matrimony, sexual intercourse and joint residency
- waived the obligation of reciprocal care-taking
- excluded any litigation regarding marriages
- took away the husband’s benefits from the wife’s financial contribution such as the dowry
- adjourned the maturity to make the dowry to a date after the dissolution of this marriage
- conceded the other spouse the right of adultery or criminal behaviour
- limited the husband’s liability to administrate the wife’s dowry
An agreement was also void when it deprived the surviving wife of her property and gave it to the husband’s relatives after his death. In those times, people nonetheless believed that the above-listed limits gave the spouses enough contractual freedom.
According to Hattenhauer the end of this type of marital agreements came with the creation and effective date of the BGB (Buergerliches Gesetzbuch, i.e. the German Civil Code) in January 1900. From that time on, a marital agreement was defined as a contract which only determines the system of marital property. It did not determine any other kind of financial or personal matters. The 1901 book of annotations, Planckscher Kommentar, stated that a marital agreement is a contract used by spouses to determine their system of marital property. On the negative side you can not understand it as a contract which determines personal matters such as the wife’s obligation to follow her husband or the decisions about parenting, etc. Whether such agreements are valid and can be enforced depends on their accordance with the nature of marriage and morality. However, such agreement is not a marital agreement pursuant to § 1432 BGB.
From that time on, people didn’t acknowledge agreements about any personal matters anymore, even if they had done so in a tradition of hundreds of years. According to Hattenhauer the annotation shows the skeptical understanding of the validity of such contracts very clearly, because it points out the fact that such contracts had to be in accordance with the nature of a marriage. Because the BGB was understood as defining the nature of marriage in those times, consequently every agreement about personal matters was void, because it differed from the model described in the BGB.
The annotation to the first draft of the BGB had the same understanding:
“The draft acknowledges the principle of contractual freedom. However, it also points out the limits of contractual freedom. An agreement can only be valid as long as is not in contradiction to the nature of marriage. Agreements about the regulations regarding the marital status of spouses such as e.g. their legal relationship are void in general because those regulations are the necessary essence of marital relationships.”
By citing Art. 199 EGBGB (Einfuehrungsgesetz zum BGB, the Introduction Act to the BGB) Hattenhauer reaches the conclusion that the German law in those times didn’t favor such marital agreements anymore:
“The personal relations between spouses, especially their obligation to pay support, are determined by the regulations of the BGB, even if they concern a marriage before the effective date of BGB.”
Hattenhauer believes that the purpose of this was to eliminate agreements regarding personal matters in general. In his opinion, therefore, The Marital Agreement by Albert von Baldigands (1906) was a fundamental book which pointed out that such agreements are no longer marital agreements.
Regarding this new legal understanding of marital agreements Hattenhauer cites two cases:
In 1900 a court had to decide about an agreement in which the husband agreed to have his place of residence at the wife’s land property, and promised to cultivate the land. The wife sued the husband, and the court held that she had no right to demand performance of the agreement, because only the husband had the right to decide about the place of residency (pursuant to § 1354 BGB). It was also held that even if the agreement had been valid until the effective date of the BGB, it had become void.
In 1905 the courts had to decide again about a marital agreement made before the effective date of the BGB. In this case the husband had waived his right to administrate the wife’s estate, and had waived his right to use it. In consideration of this, the wife had waived her right to receive support from her husband. The court held that a contractual waiver regarding support is void and that it did not make a difference if the wife’s waiver was made freely or not.
From that time on it was case law, and the annotations stated, that all agreements about personal matters were void. They were not in accordance with the nature of marriage.
Hattenhauer says that one reason for this change in opinion about marital agreements and the mistrust against them might lie in the effort to create a uniform/homogeneous family and inheritance law. He argues that the authors of the BGB were proud that they had limited the former variety of 100 systems of marital property to only five. He therefore reaches the conclusion that it was only reasonable that nobody wanted to destroy this success and give the spouses their contractual freedom back.
The authors of the BGB were also convinced that they had created marriage as a “timeless and exhaustive institution,” and that they had created a truly moral model of marriage with equal rights for wife and husband by upholding the traditional roles. This middle class model of marriage was regarded as exclusive. As marriage and family were the cornerstones of the middle class, Hattenhauer believes that this was the reason why the middle class didn’t want to make any concessions for the benefit of the spouses’ individual liberty, and the demand for contractual freedom only led to mistrust.
However, in this new model of marriage the husband still had to be afraid of losing assets by leaving his wife. The new system was still able to stabilize a marriage because of the continued existence of a very traditional social order and the principle of marrying within one’s station.
Hattenhauer believes that this legislation would have been useless if the people’s understanding of marital obligations of spouses had not been generally shared. He also believes that the model was secured by society’s morality. He states that even socialists had the same opinion about sexuality, marriage, family etc. in those times. So he reaches the conclusion that the general moral understanding helped to make the courts find every agreement differing from the BGB void because of immorality.
According to Hattenhauer the acknowledgement of this model of marriage was also supported by society’s unbroken trust in their assets. It was e.g. not immoral if the fathers-in-law sat down and started calculating the amount of the assets while the spouses just enjoyed their love. But only after two decades, in the 1920s, the trust in the assets, and the assets themselves, were melted away by inflation, so marriage-stabilizing couldn’t be achieved by financial contributions anymore. Society was forced to look for new stabilizing techniques.
Hattenhauer states that from this time on a new “asset” for a wife to bring into the marriage was a solid vocational training, as a form of social security. People believed that this asset could not melt away even in times of inflation. The fact that both spouses were working turned out to be a stabilizing factor for marriage, especially regarding its psychological balance. Besides her dowry her vocational training now gave the wife stability even if she gave up her profession to become a housewife. However, even then, stability was still achieved by society’s constraints and traditional case law.
Hattenhauer then describes the current status quo:
- marriage has lost its protection by law
- middle-class morality has lost its general prestige
- the number of divorces and the number of children of divorce who are skeptical of marriage have increased
- the model of an “emancipatory marriage” has replaced the middle-class model of marriage
- the stabilizing legal techniques such as “Zugewinn- and Versorgungsausgleich” (equitable distribution including property and pensions) can be abolished by marital agreements
- the loss of faith and trust in marriage made the concubinage more attractive
- the loss of the husband’s responsibility for the wife’s social security (because of her ability to work) has increased the marriage-age of wives, reduced the number of children born into the marriage, and increased the number of disabled children.
According to Hattenhauer the traditional middle-class model of marriage has no binding character anymore and the “emancipatory model” of marriage is a fad without a function. He believes that this pluralism of models cannot be resolved by giving one of them priority, and that the role of the law is reduced to setting only the frameworks for what might be binding and what might not.
Today, there are various answers regarding the question of what is legally binding, or what is the nature of marriage and therefore is protected by the Code’s principle of morality (§ 138 BGB). Prof. Gernhuber, e.g., names various principles which he thinks are binding:
“ The principle to be free to enter a marriage,  that spouses make a contract by entering a marriage,  the principle of monogamy,  that marriage can only be between a woman and a man,  the spouses’ obligation to live in matrimony,  that marriage can only be dissolved by death.”
Hattenhauer asks what kind of legal techniques we need in our changed society today, if we see those principles as binding? As the traditional pre-1900 marital agreement, varying the standard obligations of marriage, is back and practiced again, he believes that it can be used as a stabilizing legal technique. The determination of personal and financial matters in those agreements can help to give marriages a more binding character than the law itself does. Hattenhauer states that the creation of various types of such marital agreements has already begun and will continue. Those new marital agreements still find their limits of contractual freedom in illegality (§ 134 BGB) and morality (§ 138 BGB).
Looking at spouses’ considerations as they enter a marital agreement, you will find that hardly anybody has considered it as a stabilizing factor. You will also find that people haven’t paid much attention yet to agreeing on personal matters, nor to agreeing about certain personal sanctions, in a marital agreement, in contrast to financial matters and financial sanctions. According to Hattenhauer the demand for individualized agreements and regulations is especially high. He states that personal matters included in agreements can be: the decision to have children and their raising, the decision who works and who does the household work, the place of residence, the things you do in your leisure time, holidays, relationships with relatives and in-laws, religious decisions, decisions about the procedure to solve conflicts or problems, etc. As each of his listed personal matters can cause a conflict and might destroy a marriage if it cannot be solved, he argues, spouses should agree in a marital agreement about those personal matters and should therefore also agree about sanctions to avoid conflicts and the dissolution of the marriage.
As the regulations in the BGB regarding divorce, and high costs, do not deter spouses from the decision to get divorced, Hattenhauer thinks that it might aid the stabilization of marriages if spouses could agree to limit their right to get divorced. He states that any useful suggestions on this are still missing, and people miss the mark by only agreeing about financial sanctions. Prof. Langenfeld suggested having different systems regarding the financial consequences of ending a marriage, distinguishing between ending because of divorce and ending because of death.
Even the BGH (Supreme Court) had already to decide about the use of assets for the purpose of marriage-stabilizing. A marriage entered in 1976 in a mosque in Munich between Islamic spouses included an agreement about a payment in the amount of 100.000 DM in case of getting divorced. The BGH held that the agreement is valid under the freedom of contract. Thus, it was held that agreeing about financial sanctions in case of divorce is valid. It was also held that this was not a contract about the system of marital property, and therefore it did not have to be in one specific form (such as for example under § 1410 BGB).
But no courage to make such decisions on personal matters can be found yet. Hattenhauer asks why we go about this complicated detour by using only financial sanctions to encourage the continued existence of marriage. Don’t we exclude from the opportunity of contractual stabilizing those spouses who don’t have considerable assets to lose? Why isn’t it possible to let all couples stabilize their marriages by using clear and formulated clauses? He hopes that the lawyers will improve upon this opportunity.
Then he comes back to his contested thesis about the possibility to waive the right to get divorced. First of all he states six theses:
- Agreements regarding personal matters are valid and find their limits in the general limits of privatization in civil law.
- A limitation or waiver of the right to get divorced is valid because it is not prohibited by law nor immoral or unconstitutional.
- Agreements about arbitration and any other models for solving conflicts are valid and legal
- Although entering or leaving a marriage has to comply with a certain form, agreements limiting the ability to get divorced do not.
- An agreed limit on the ability to get divorced can be revoked by agreement at any time.
- A court should determine the immorality of an objection regarding the waiver of the right to get divorced in a trial, in which the invalidity of the agreement has to be proved by the petitioner.
The train of thought is again, for example:
Wife and husband, both Catholics, want to get married and want their religion to become legally effective (in addition to the official governmental ceremony). Using Privatization in order to express their religious beliefs, the couple creates a marital agreement that they will not get divorced. In addition the agreement states that any litigation of marital issues will be decided by means of arbitration and the arbitrator shall be an ecclesiastical judge.
If the spouses then get into conflict there are two choices: Both agree to change the marital agreement, revoke their waiver and both can move the court for a conventional divorce. That means that nobody can jump out of the marriage hastily. If the other spouse refuses to agree about the change of the marital agreement the spouse will then move the court to decide. But the Respondent can make the objection that the court has no jurisdiction because of the agreed clause regarding arbitration. If the respondent moves to the court of arbitration, he or she will be forced to find a mediated solution. If there is no arbitrated solution the arbitrator will dismiss the motion to get divorced because of the agreed waiver. The Petitioner can appeal by citing § 1041 Nr. 2 ZPO and proving the immorality of the Respondent’s objection regarding the waiver. Finally, the way out of a marriage should never be absolutely excluded as the last solution, but the way out should be restricted. This complies with the principle of tolerance and pluralism.
It is now necessary to show what sort of model of marriage will be more successful. In open concurrence to the already existing variety of dangerous and insecure models of concubinages, we will have a variety of secure marital agreements in which the demand for stability and the waiver of the right to get divorced will find their place. It will be personal self-fulfillment instead of being kept in leading strings by the government: In dubio pro libertate! [Meaning, in all cases that are in doubt, rule in favor of freedom. In English law, stated as “in statu dubio semper erit pro libertate iudicandum”. Bracton, f. 191 b]
Under HB 746, which became law July 1, transfers to a revocable living trust for the benefit of a spouse are revoked by a divorce or annulment. The trust is not revoked, just those transfers or benefits are.
The filing of a suit for divorce, annulment or separate maintenance does not revoke the transfers or benefits, but it does revoke any powers granted by the trust, such as a power of appointment (i.e., power to determine who else will get certain property), or the ability to serve as trustee or any other "fiduciary", such as trust director, advisor, guardian or conservator.
Code§ 64.2-412. D. Unless the trust instrument expressly provides otherwise, if a settlor creates a revocable trust and if, after such creation:
1. The settlor is divorced from the bond of matrimony or the settlor's marriage is annulled and the trust was revocable immediately before the divorce or annulment, then a provision of such revocable trust transferring property to or conferring any beneficial interest on the settlor's former spouse is revoked upon the divorce or the annulment of the settlor's marriage, and such property or beneficial interest shall be administered as if the former spouse failed to survive the divorce or annulment; or
2. An action is filed (i) for the divorce or annulment of the settlor's marriage to the settlor's spouse or for their legal separation or (ii) by either the settlor or the settlor's spouse for separate maintenance from the other, and the trust was revocable at the time of the filing, then a provision of such revocable trust conferring a power, including a power of appointment, on the spouse or nominating or appointing the spouse as a fiduciary, including trustee, trust director, conservator, or guardian, is revoked upon the filing, and such provision shall be interpreted as if the former spouse failed to survive the filing.
The Importance of Family Defense
By Martin Guggenheim, ABA Family Law Quarterly Volume 48, No. 4 (Winter 2015) pp. 597-607
This article describes the growing field of “Family Defense,” which involves lawyers and other advocates working on behalf of parents or other family members whose children are at risk of being placed in court-ordered foster care. Although lawyers have been doing this work for several decades, a national movement to consolidate and enhance the field’s status in the legal profession is less than a decade old. Based in the American Bar Association’s Center on Children and the Law, this movement’s purpose is to achieve procedural and social justice for all families involved with child welfare systems, through legal, legislative, and policy advocacy. Above all else, it seeks to ensure that every parent who is in jeopardy of having a child removed from his or her care by a child welfare agency is able to secure excellent legal representation during the entire length of the court process. This article explains the importance of the field and how it differs from criminal defense. Finally, it offers some insight into why the field is relatively unknown in the legal profession despite the important work that it does.
Singer and actress Martha Raye, honored for her tireless work with the troops in WW2, had <a href="https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martha_Raye">seven marriages, lasting between 4 months and 9 years and averaging 3.5 years. She had 6 weddings in 19 years, 1937-1956. After her 6th divorce in 1960,</a> she abstained from marriage, or maybe marriage abstained from her, until 1991. She died in 1994, at 78 years old and still married and living with her husband, and was buried with military honors at Fort Bragg, North Carolina.
"Examples of settlements facing tax on 100% include recoveries ... from your ex-spouse for claims related to your divorce or children," tax lawyer Robert Wood wrote in Forbes recently. "Defamation, financial fraud, divorce, malpractice, false imprisonment — clients will be paying taxes on 100 percent of their recovery on all of these." -- Joe Patrice blogged at Above the Law.
Nope. What you get in a divorce is not taxable as income, and that is absolutely unchanged in the new tax act. Tax Code Sections 102 and 1041 ensure that. They do so by treating a divorce settlement as a "gift", which is mostly wrong, archaic, and insulting to women, but it gets the job done. As the IRS's guide to all things divorce-related, Publication 504, puts it,
"Property you receive from your spouse (or former spouse, if the transfer is incident to your divorce) is treated as acquired by gift for income tax purposes. Its value isn’t taxable to you."
The latest edition of Publication 504 is from before the 2017 tax reforms, but again, the relevant parts of tax law weren't changed at all.
By Robert W. Wood in Forbes
Judicial independence is threatened because self-satisfied courts & lawyers don't listen, don't explain, don't adapt to public's needs
So says Jesse Rutledge of the National Center for State Courts in Williamsburg, Virginia, based on the Center's annual surveys of public opinion about the courts, and decades of working on how the courts interact with the population:
"It’s really easy to blame efforts to erode the independence of our courts exclusively on shrill politicians or the fragmented news media. ... With all this outside pressure, is it any wonder that public trust in the courts—the stock and trade that underpins the ability of the courts to be independent—continues to erode?
"Unfortunately, those of us on the inside of the system may have myopia. ... The data shows that Americans who have had direct interactions with courts trust the judiciary less than those who haven’t. Put differently, those who come to our courthouses aren’t as impressed with what they see as we are with ourselves.
"... Courts must take swift action to improve customer service, simplify forms and processes, and move as much of their routine business online as is practicable for their community. Americans perceive judges and the lawyers who appear in their courtroom as sharing an interest in delay, and at the same time an increasing number feel they are being shut out of the legal system entirely. Simplifying byzantine forms and procedures could go a long way to allowing more people to help themselves. ...
"Americans are sending a clear message about their courts. They don’t need another lecture on the virtues of jury service. Instead, they want courts that are accountable, connected to their communities in meaningful ways, and where they are able to take care of routine business expeditiously. Court users—whether they are litigants, jurors, or those seeking to pay for a traffic infraction or to file a simple form at a clerk’s window—should be placed in the middle of every equation, not treated as an afterthought."
Divorce/separation not affordable for Bay-area lawyers, other professionals, so here's what they do:
Bay area couples who separate or divorce are increasingly sharing a home for economic reasons, Amy Graff writes in SFGATE. The example she leads with includes a lawyer in private practice. For actual separation to be affordable, at least one parent would have to move so far away that caring for, and transporting, the children would be unworkable. And this arrangement is actually optimal for the children, when the parents can remain civil with each other, she says after looking at several couples who are doing this.
SF Gate, May 8, 2018
New Virginia joint custody law probably changes nothing -- except maybe hearts and minds and expectations
"When parents split, new Virginia law will make it easier to get joint custody," Saleen Martin writes in the Virginian-Pilot. Looking at what the final version of the bill actually contains, I just don't see how it changes anything. But it is nice to think so, and if articles like Martin's change the public's idea of what is in the normal range, that can eventually affect litigants' and judges' attitudes, which already have changed a lot in that direction in the 22 years I've practiced.
The language added to the Code is: ""The court shall consider and may award joint legal, joint physical, or sole custody, and there shall be no presumption in favor of any form of custody."
The original language of the proposal actually had some meat in it: "The consideration of "joint physical custody" means the court shall consider custody and visitation arrangements that are reasonably constructed to maximize a child's time with each parent to the greatest extent possible in the child's best interests."
"There shall be a presumption, rebuttable by a preponderance of evidence, that joint custody and equally shared parenting time is in the best interest of the child. If a deviation from equal parenting time is warranted, the court shall construct a parenting time schedule which maximizes the time each parent or de facto custodian has with the child and is consistent with ensuring the child's welfare."
- Divorce Corp Movie: All-or-None Thinking? By Bill Eddy
- Divorce Corp Movie Review Pt. 2 By Bill Eddy
- Rosenblum: 'Divorce Corp.' is stark reminder of high costs of U.S. breakups
- "An Essay on Divorce Corp., The Movie" By family law attorney Diana Mercer on Huffingtonpost.com
- "Divorce ‘documentary’ shows little to no reality" by family law attorney Gregg Herman in Wisconsin Law Journal
Where did we get those old law books? It's quite a story. It starts when Washington was president ...
These law books have been handed down from lawyer to lawyer, including:
Richard Henry Lee, 1732-1794. Justice of the Peace, Delegate to the Virginia House of Burgesses and the Continental Congress, signer and leading proponent of the Declaration of Independence, President of the Continental Congress 1784-85. But most importantly, he did more than anyone to ensure that a Bill of Rights was added to the Constitution. He bought and inscribed some of these books for his son, Francis Lightfoot Lee II, 1782-1850.
John Janney, 1798-1872, was a Quaker, Unionist lawyer in Leesburg, Virginia. Among his many great works was the successful defense of free-born Underground Railroad conductor Leonard Grimes of Leesburg. He was almost President: in a pivotal Virginia Whig caucus, he tied with John Tyler on the first ballot for the 1840 vice-presidential nomination. Henry Clay said, “He is the first man in Virginia and has no superior in the United States.” He was a delegate to the 1851 Virginia Constitutional Convention, which tried to heal the breach between eastern and western Virginia, and President of the 1861 convention that he hoped would preserve the Union. It swung in favor of secession when Lincoln called for troops to march against the South. He then had the bitter honor of formally giving Robert E. Lee charge of Virginia’s forces.
“Squire” Lawrence Bowers, 1810-1901, was called that because he was a local magistrate in Boone’s Creek, Washington County, Tennessee. He helped found the Boone’s Creek Academy. Ralph Waldo Crouch, Sr. was his grandson.
Matthew Harrison, 1822-1875, was a Leesburg lawyer, known in the legislature as “The Loudoun Lion”.
The Rev. Alexander Broadnax Carrington, 1834-1912, from Charlotte Court House, Va., studied at Washington College and practiced law, but then chose the Presbyterian ministry. He was chaplain of the 37th Virginia Infantry under Stonewall Jackson. His final pastorate was at Greenwich Presbyterian Church in Nokesville, Va.
Landon C. Berkeley and James P. Harrison of Berkeley & Harrison were prominent Danville, Va. lawyers in the late 19th Century.
E.S. Oliver, owner of our French Code Napoleon, was a New Orleans lawyer and businessman in the mid-19th Century. He won Lavillebeuvre v. Cosgrove, about the right to reopen a boarded-up window through a common wall between two properties, under the French version of easement law, called “destination du père de famille.” He lost a case against his agent for letting a debtor pay him in Confederate money and investing it in Confederate bonds, because he didn’t complain when he heard about it, thinking he could “sit on his rights.”
Samuel Ferguson Beach, a Connecticut-born Alexandria lawyer, city councilman, and banker, lost a Northern Virginia congressional race in early 1861, then filed a challenge to election practices at Ball’s Crossroads, now Ballston. He was a leading member of the Constitutional Convention for the "Restored Government of Virginia," and unionist Northern Virginians elected him to Congress, which refused to seat him. He represented the Lee family of Arlington House, and other former Confederates, in Virginia and U.S. Supreme Court cases overturning the wartime seizure of their land. He won Colston v. Quander, upholding a Fairfax marriage that was illegal when made because it was between a slave and a free Negro. In other cases he argued for upholding a law preventing free blacks from testifying against whites, and that Congress’s return of Alexandria and present-day Arlington to Virginia was unconstitutional. He helped lead efforts to give black Virginians voting rights, and was appointed United States Attorney for Virginia. He was once co-counsel with future President James A. Garfield.
Samuel McCormick, 1849-1937, son of Justice Francis McCormick of Weehaw, briefly served in the Confederate Army, then studied law at the University of Virginia, where he owned these books, and then at Washington College, now Washington & Lee University. He was an honorary pallbearer for Robert E. Lee. He was a lawyer, farmer and businessman in Clarke County, Virginia, and was Court Clerk there from 1904 to 1912.
Joseph J. Darlington, 1849-1920, was a leading Washington lawyer, citizen, prize pig breeder, and president of the City Orphan Asylum. He taught law at Georgetown University, and gave Ralph Waldo Crouch, Sr. a copy of his treatise on The Law of Personal Property. They were neighbors in Herndon and commuted together on the W&O.D. Railroad. A memorial to him at Judiciary Square has been criticized for its utter lack of resemblance to him.
Ralph Waldo Crouch, Sr., 1881-1968, was youngest of ten children of a Baptist preacher, and his inheritance was one horse, which he sold to buy a ticket to Washington to seek his fortune. He did a variety of jobs, including streetcar conductor, and went to school at night while raising a growing family. He graduated from Georgetown Law in 1912, and was a tax lawyer and estate-tax auditor for the U.S. Government, commuting by train from his in-laws’ farm in Herndon. He later joined Crouch & Crouch, practicing in Arlington and Richmond. In retirement he moved back to the farm his great-grandparents had settled in the late 1700s in Boone’s Creek, Tennessee.
George Edelin, 1891-1938, Georgetown Law 1918, joined Julius Peyser’s general and administrative-law practice in Washington, D.C., where his early work included U.S. Supreme Court cases. He was a law professor at the University of Maryland.
George J. Schultz, 1885-1961, earned doctorates in law, medicine and divinity, and was a law professor at the University of Maryland. He married George Edelin’s brother’s widow. After his death his law books were entrusted to her goats, in his barn in Hyattstown, Maryland, until Richard Edelin Crouch retrieved a few of them.
John Walter Edelin, Jr., 1905-1980. His naval career started on President Coolidge’s yacht, where he assisted the President in an unannounced amphibious landing at George Washington’s birthplace, to fierce combat in the Battle of Peleliu, to the military governorship of the Palau Islands.
John W. Jackson, 1905-2006, was a legendary Arlington prosecutor and lawyer. He taught trial skills at the George Washington University Law School. In semi-retirement he was still an eminence and mentor to everyone in the office suite of John Perkins, where Richard Crouch had his first full-time law office after leaving Family Law Reporter.
Howard Wade Vesey, 1906-1969, was a Washington lawyer who later moved to Santa Barbara, California where he was also a real estate developer. He died in a plane crash and his wrongful death case ascended as high as the federal Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals.
Thomas Gordon Crouch, 1910-2004. His practice with Crouch & Crouch in Arlington and Richmond emphasized tax, business, probate and estate planning law. A dedicated hunter, fisherman, sailor and Shriner. He led the funding and organization of the restoration of his great-great grandfather Jesse Crouch’s log house.
Leroy E. Batchelor, 1926-2012, served in World War II, including the Battle of Iwo Jima, and the Korean War. He was a criminal defense and general practitioner in Arlington. He represented Arlington County in a school desegregation case. He once argued before the U.S. Supreme Court. An accomplished seaman and boating instructor, he retired at 62. He and his wife spent much of the next two decades at sea.
Jack L. Melnick, 1935-2013, was an Arlington/Falls Church legislator, prosecutor, civic leader and lawyer. In the legislature, he led the effort for a crime victims’ compensation fund. He taught at George Washington University Law School. He restored and drove a Model A Ford. His probate and elder law practice continues with his son, Paul Melnick.
The Hon. W. Richard Walton, Sr., b. 1938, is a civic leader, former prosecutor and retired Common Pleas Court Judge in Ironton, Ohio.
Thomas W. Murtaugh had a general, criminal, juvenile and family-law practice in Leesburg, Virginia. He represented people from all walks of life and excelled at presenting the human reality of his cases in everyday terms. He was gentlemanly and kindly to a fault. Richard and John Crouch learned much from him. He gave us John Janney’s books when he moved to West Virginia, where he practiced occasionally but is now fully retired.
Bill Findler 1948-2007 was widely admired as an Arlington lawyer, but even more as a Washington-Lee high school track coach, pillar of the church, and father of five. When he died suddenly after a morning run, his obituary on the sports page of the Northern Virginia Sun quoted John Crouch: “He was a leader for all of us. He was strong and honest. He told it like it is. He dealt with every situation with humor and integrity.”
Bryan Garner is a leading authority on legal writing and drafting. He redrafted the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure and several similar sets of rules, edits Black’s Law Dictionary, and wrote several books on legal writing, including two coauthored with Justice Scalia. It’s a stretch to include him here, because I don’t have a book from his personal collection; he gave me a copy of his Black’s as a sort of party-favor for answering a question right in a seminar. As I look up to him as a life-changing guru and kindred spirit, I cling to it like Dobby the House Elf clung to his employer’s discarded glove.
Richard Edelin Crouch, b. 1940, is a prolific lawyer, author, and activist. He had a military, criminal, civil liberties, public interest and general practice before limiting his practice to family law and legal ethics and malpractice, and especially international and interstate family law. At the same time he edited BNA’s Family Law Reporter and other publications, then the Virginia State Bar’s Family Law News, and several family law books and practice guides. He is now retired.
"There shall be a presumption, rebuttable by a preponderance of evidence, that joint custody and equally shared parenting time is in the best interest of the child. If a deviation from equal parenting time is warranted, the court shall construct a parenting time schedule which maximizes the time each parent or de facto custodian has with the child and is consistent with ensuring the child's welfare." ...
"When determining or modifying a custody order pursuant to Section 1, 2, or 4 of this Act, the court shall consider the safety and well-being of the parties and of the children. If domestic violence and abuse as defined in KRS 403.720 is alleged, and the court finds that it has been committed by one (1) of the parties against another party or a child of the parties within three (3) years immediately preceding the custody hearing in question, the court shall not presume that joint custody and equally shared parenting time is in the best interest of the child."
In The Big Broadcast of 1938, Bob Hope got out of "Alimony Jail" and joined his three ex-wives and one girlfriend on W.C. Fields's ocean liner for a race to France. They don't make divorce like they used to.
Shocked by cheerfully ignorant, arrogant decision-making? Not if you've seen a judge learn family law on the job.
There was a lot of interest on social media in Jesse Singal's analysis of how President Trump deals quickly and authoritatively with issues he admittedly knows nothing about. Singal was thunderstruck at how monstrously dangerous it was to have major decisions made in cheerfully-admitted ignorance, by what the decision-maker thinks is simple common sense. But as a family law attorney, I really couldn't tell any difference between the President's performance and watching a judge who's new to Family Law, trying to puzzle out why the law seems to want both parents involved in a child's life after a breakup, why unwed fathers have the few rights they do have, etc. Or what the Hague Convention on child abduction is for, and what in the world is wrong with a mom taking her children halfway around the world just to get them far away from the father. Or the times I've watched Supreme Court Justices do the same thing as they debate the Hague Convention, or paternity law, assume the validity of wildly wrong speculations about what happens in custody litigation, and snort with equal contempt at the parents in these cases and the Congress that passed such seemingly pointless laws and treaties. Even experienced trial judges sometimes just reinforce their bias and irrational rules-of-thumb over time.
Here's the Trump version of this routine:
SHERIFF AUBREY: And the other thing is asset forfeiture. People want to say we’re taking money and without due process. That’s not true. We take money from dope dealers —
THE PRESIDENT: So you’re saying – okay, so you’re saying the asset-taking you used to do, and it had an impact, right? And you’re not allowed to do it now?
SHERIFF AUBREY: No, they have curtailed it a little bit. And I’m sure the folks are —
THE PRESIDENT: And that’s for legal reasons? Or just political reasons?
SHERIFF AUBREY: They make it political and they make it – they make up stories. All you’ve got to do —
THE PRESIDENT: I’d like to look into that, okay? There’s no reason for that. Dana, do you think there’s any reason for that? Are you aware of this?
[Then-acting Attorney General Dana Boente]: I am aware of that, Mr. President. And we have gotten a great deal of criticism for the asset forfeiture, which, as the sheriff said, frequently was taking narcotics proceeds and other proceeds of crime. But there has been a lot of pressure on the department to curtail some of that.
THE PRESIDENT: So what do you do? So in other words, they have a huge stash of drugs. So in the old days, you take it. Now we’re criticized if we take it. So who gets it? What happens to it? Tell them to keep it?
MR. BOENTE: Well, we have what is called equitable sharing, where we usually share it with the local police departments for whatever portion that they worked on the case. And it was a very successful program, very popular with the law enforcement community.
THE PRESIDENT: And now what happens?
MR. BOENTE: Well, now we’ve just been given – there’s been a lot of pressure not to forfeit, in some cases.
THE PRESIDENT: Who would want that pressure, other than, like, bad people, right? But who would want that pressure? You would think they’d want this stuff taken away.
SHERIFF AUBREY: You have to be careful how you speak, I guess. But a lot of pressure is coming out of – was coming out of Congress. I don’t know that that will continue now or not.
THE PRESIDENT: I think less so. I think Congress is going to get beat up really badly by the voters because they’ve let this happen. And I think badly. I think you’ll be back in shape. So, asset forfeiture, we’re going to go back on, okay? I mean, how simple can anything be? You all agree with that, I assume, right?
See also, for example,
- Study: Judges interpret legal precedent mostly based on parties' personalities, & won't admit it.
- How Bias Actually Works -- Everywhere, Even in Family Courts
- Supreme Court silently ignores clear text of Indian Child Welfare Act, "needlessly demeans parenthood"
- On First Looking Into Posner's Opinions, and Finding One Where He Didn't Exactly Hit a Homer
"How Much Does Infidelity Cost?", Forbes.com asks. I'm just glad someone is asking the question, and acknowledging that such choices, and divorce, have costs and are not "value-neutral."
The article starts with costs so trivial as to be ridiculous, but then follows out some very foreseeable and common consequences -- separate vacations, faraway hideaways, therapy, marriage counseling, separation, restraining orders among new partners and old, loss of security clearances and arms-bearing rights for people under restraining orders, divorce, increased divorce-lawyer costs as the adultery makes every issue in the divorce more vicious and hard-fought, job loss for workplace affairs, a few months of unemployment, and finally a new job that pays 20% less.
The writing tone is a little bit like a typical canned article, what Helen Fielding's Bridget Jones called "a two-shrink, five-friend" article, except that the subject is so rarely brought up in the media, though it has always been a huge topic in life, art and literature. There's a bit of copy-editing, or lack thereof, that's really surprising in a top-flight source like Forbes. A couple times I thought I was reading one of those odd articles that are taken from real ones, then run through a couple translators and/or some guys in India who didn't qualify for jobs with the gang that calls people up pretending to be "Windows." That's happened to many of my own articles. It ends oddly, like a freshman term paper ending at the exact turn-in deadline with a neat balancing of supposed opposites that actually makes no sense, resting on assumptions and definitions that reveal the author to know far less of the basic terms and context than it appeared from the introduction as it rose slowly through 50 shades of obvious, or from the body of the paper as the student could lean this way and that on quotations and cautiously slight paraphrases of opposing authorities on the topic. Anyhow, back to the Forbes article. No, wait, this lamest conclusion that I've seen, except in term papers that potential interns send me as writing samples, goes on for two paragraphs of appalling shallowness, totally betraying the whole point of the article by nattering about these things as if they were subjects one would encounter for the first and last time in a college class, and never in real life:
"Who are the people engaging in these covert relationships? Nika Kabiri, Director of Strategic Insights for Avvo, the company which offers a fixed fee uncontested divorce, recently conducted a relationship study to uncover this answer.
Avvo is where you go for reliable studies of marriage? I mean, they're a great company for what they do, and I'm sure Kabiri and his team are good at studying their potential customers, but there are actual disinterested scholars, statisticians and therapists who study these things, many of whom are studying how to keep more marriages healthy and together, not to grow the number of people who get ensnarled in family/legal problems.
"Kabiri found that 61% of Americans are unhappily married.
[I've never seen a figure over the high 40s.]
"Yet only ¼ of these people say that divorce is inevitable if one no longer wants a romantic relationship with his/her spouse. In fact, nearly 80% believe in staying together so much so that they are open to exploring alternatives to breaking up. Only half of these people say that if their partner wanted an open relationship they would leave him or her. [What about those who respond with, "Oh No, you won't,", among many others?] In other words half who are confronted with a partner who wants to stray are willing to talk about it, work through it, maybe even be part of an open relationship.
[Uh, you're not curious about defining who wants to fix the marriage versus who wants an 'open relationship'?]
"While on the surface it seems that having an affair is financially a more affordable road than divorc'em this is not necessarily the case. Clearly the emotional, mental and financial hardship could end up being more detrimental than enduring a divorce."
Huh? Despite everything in the first half of the article, now "Having an Affair"and "Divorce'Em" are not cause-and-effect, but the two mutually exclusive alternatives for a Smart Shopper to thoughtfully consider? All that talk about how a marriage that grows unhappy doesn't have to devolve into divorce, and in fact 80% of them recover, and suddenly the only alternatives to divorce are affairs and "open relationships"? Sick.
- US divorce rate up: 0.32% in 2016, was 0.31% in '15. Marriage rate flat at 0.69%
- Head to the Midwest for extremes of highest and lowest divorce rates; Nevada yields century-long lead to Oklahoma.
- Divorce rate rose fast for older people, while falling overall since 1990
- Divorce rates around the world: Russia in the lead, U.S. #4
- China divorce doubles in 10 years; S. Korea divorce down, but up for older people
- Under 10% of us are divorced and not remarried -- 2017 U.S. census data
- U.S. military divorce rate steady around 3% per marriage per year, much higher for women than men
- Cumulative/Lifetime Divorce Rates Sorted by Education, Employment, Ethnicity
Think family court is a big racket? You're not alone ... until you get to court. Then you truly are.
One of those crank lawsuits of a kind that gets filed and discarded every day has, for once, gotten big coverage in a mainstream newspaper. "Lawsuit claims divorce court is a racket: Dismissed at district level, case is being appealed to 9th Circuit". San Diego Union-Tribune.
If you polled people on the street, you'd find that to be a pretty common view, perhaps not a majority but a plurality of the same kind that makes the presidential primaries so interesting. But in the family court system, people who have cases there, and start saying things like that, are treated like the lunatic fringe. To the judges and everyone else involved, the issue is no longer whatever substantive question was originally in dispute. The issue is now the disgruntled litigants' extremism and behavior. They are sometimes put under special orders keeping them from filing anything unless and until a single, permanently-designated judge has reviewed it and allowed it.
These litigants too often put their "last stands" on principle ahead of their actual parenting of their children. They are unwilling to bow and bend to a system they see as illegitimate and corrupt, even if they understand that that is the way to be treated better and get more time with their children.
Is the system a racket? No. Not where I work, anyway. But it doesn't have to be. It still works in a way that looks irrational to most people. It still takes people, some already cranky, and some fairly normal, perhaps even too nice, processes them, and cranks out a huge number of cranks.
When our state legislators and all those of us who help mold our culture, all the "second-hand dealers in ideas," as Hayek called us, decided decades ago to encourage widespread divorce, this was a major part of what we created.
Americans are not brought up and educated in how a family court system works. In the courts which we learn about on TV and in civics class, a jury of 12 average local people makes the big decisions, and the judge is just a referee. And those decisions are about who did something wrong and who gets punished.
Parents who have chosen divorce or unwed parenthood, or had it thrust upon them, have no idea that instead of that system, they are going into a system where regardless of fault or faultlessness, a judge will tell them in great detail how to live and move and raise their children, now and forever until they all are grown. Nor that instead of one big trial to establish guilt or innocence and resolve everything, they may be back in court every few weeks, months or years, for enforcement, monitoring, and revision of those orders.
In that way, the family law courts work like the ecclesiastical and chancery courts that used to handle family issues, the ones that Dickens savaged in novels like Bleak House. And for good reasons, because a family is not like a business contract or a car accident.
But they also feature the most delaying, expensive, and inflammatory features of the American legal system, because this is America -- you always have the right to your day in court, to litigate about everything, to insist on strict compliance with the rules of evidence -- even when dealing with areas of life where people don't generally keep the relevant evidence, or where no witnesses are there when the really important stuff happens, or where evidence and testimony are easily faked. You can always appeal, and appeal. You have to go through all the expensive, exhausting procedures that were designed for big business litigation. Your lawyers have the ethical duty to do what you say you want, after doing their ethical duty to advise you about a bewildering array of awful things that you could do to your ex and your ex might even now be doing to you. And each of these individual things is necessary and proper, as part of the greatest legal system in the world. Even if you hate to comply with them and hate it when the other side does those things, you want the other side to comply and you want to be able to do those things to them.
That's the system we put far more families into when we tried to make divorce easier and more humane by enacting quick, unilateral, no-fault divorce, letting far more people jump straight into court without first working things out in an agreement.