Marriage and Family Courts

What are courts doing to heal and strengthen marriages?

This site is dedicated to gathering the latest information on efforts by the courts and the legal profession to heal and strengthen marriages. I don't yet know of many such efforts, but I know they are needed, and in order to advocate for them we need to know what people out there are already doing.

If you know of any such program or effort -- at any stage of development -- please post a comment on this site to tell me -- and the rest of the word -- about it. Check the comment section to see what others have written.

If you want to write to me privately, please e-mail me through my law firm and it will go directly to me. You can always get in touch with me by posting a comment on this site or calling me at 703-528-6700.

Please do not use this site for political debates such as gay-marriage issues, etc.

-- John Crouch
-- A pro-marriage divorce lawyer in Arlington, Virginia

Pros and cons of one-year vs. two-year separation period in non-consensual no-fault divorces -- a divorce lawyer reflects

At the end of 2017, couples began to be affected by Pennsylvania's the new divorce law, which cut the living-apart period before filing contested no-fault divorce litigation, without mutual consent and without all the financial and child-related issues worked out, from two years to one year. Carolyn R. Mirabile, a partner and family law group head at Weber Gallagher Simpson Stapleton Fires & Newby in Norristown, Pa., looks back at what seemed to have worked better under the old law, and what improvements she hopes for from the new law. 

One Year Later On the One-Year Separation

By Carolyn R. Mirabile in The Intelligencer - Mar 15, 2018

"Unilateral divorce" law proposed in Mexican state.

A bill to allow unilateral divorce has been introduced in the Congress of the state of Veracruz, in Mexico.

Proponen crear la figura del divorcio unilateral en Veracruz

13 Mar 2018 on Xeu.com.mx

Utah legislation would abolish family courts, counseling and conciliation, cut divorce wait period by 2/3

SB 25, DIVORCE PROCESS AMENDMENTS, has passed both houses and awaits the Governor's action. Here's what it does:

Divorce orientation course: A court may hold a hearing on a temporary restraining order before the parties have taken the course. Other motions related to a divorce or separation case may be filed, but not heard, before the course is completed. Otherwise unchanged though some items are moved around.

If you aren't familiar with what Utah's divorce orientation course is, the existing requirements, much more thorough and creative than those in most states, are repeated in the bill.

Waiting period from divorce filing to final hearing: Reduced from 90 to 30 days.

Many substantive laws creating family courts, and incorporating conciliation and counseling into courts, are repealed, and not replaced:

07          Section 30-3-12, Courts to exercise family counseling powers.
208          Section 30-3-13.1, Establishment of family court division of district court.
209          Section 30-3-14.1, Designation of judges -- Terms.
210          Section 30-3-15.1, Appointment of domestic relations counselors, family court
211     commissioner, and assistants and clerks.
212          Section 30-3-15.3, Commissioners -- Powers.
213          Section 30-3-15.4, Salaries and expenses.
214          Section 30-3-16.1, Jurisdiction of family court division -- Powers.
215          Section 30-3-16.2, Petition for conciliation.
216          Section 30-3-16.3, Contents of petition.
217          Section 30-3-16.4, Procedure upon filing of petition.
218          Section 30-3-16.5, Fees.
219          Section 30-3-16.6, Information not available to public.
220          Section 30-3-16.7, Effect of petition -- Pendency of action.
221          Section 30-3-17, Power and jurisdiction of judge.
222          Section 30-3-17.1, Proceedings considered confidential -- Written evaluation by
223     counselor.

Partial text of these laws to be repealed:

30-3-12.  Courts to exercise family counseling powers.
     Each district court of the respective judicial districts, while sitting in matters of divorce, annulment, separate maintenance, child custody, alimony and support in connection therewith, child custody in habeas corpus proceedings, and adoptions, shall exercise the family counseling powers conferred by this act.

30-3-16.1.  Jurisdiction of family court division -- Powers.
     Whenever any controversy exists between spouses which may, unless a reconciliation is achieved, result in the dissolution or annulment of the marriage or in the disruption of the household, and there is a child of the spouses or either of them under the age of 17 years whose welfare might be affected, the family court division of the district court shall have jurisdiction over the controversy, over the parties and over all persons having any relation to the controversy and may compel attendance before the court or a domestic relations counselor of the parties or other persons related to the controversy. The court may make orders in divorce or conciliation proceeding as it deems necessary for the protection of the family interests.

30-3-16.2.  Petition for conciliation.
     Prior to the filing of any action for divorce, annulment, or separate maintenance, either spouse or both spouses may file a petition for conciliation in the family court division invoking the jurisdiction of the court for the purpose of preserving the marriage by effecting a reconciliation between the parties or an amicable settlement of the controversy between them so as to avoid litigation over the issues involved.

30-3-16.3.  Contents of petition.
     The petition for conciliation shall state:
(1) A controversy exists between the spouses and request the aid of the court to effect a reconciliation or an amicable settlement of the controversy.

...

30-3-16.4.  Procedure upon filing of petition.
     When a petition for conciliation is filed in the family court division of the district court, the court shall refer the matter to the domestic relations counselor or counselors and shall cause notice to be given to the spouses, by mail or in a form prescribed by the court, of the filing of the petition and of the time and place of any hearing, conference or other proceeding scheduled by the court or domestic relations counselors under this act.

30-3-16.6.  Information not available to public.
     Neither the names of petitioners nor respondents, nor the contents of petitions for conciliation filed under this act, shall be available or open to public inquiry, except that an attorney for a person seeking to file an action for divorce, annulment or separate maintenance may determine from the clerk of the court if the other spouse has filed a petition for conciliation.

30-3-16.7.  Effect of petition -- Pendency of action

1. The filing of a petition for conciliation under this act shall, for a period of 60 days thereafter, act as a bar to the filing by either spouse of an action for divorce, annulment of marriage or separate maintenance unless the court otherwise orders.
2. The pendency of an action for divorce, annulment of marriage or separate maintenance does not prevent either party to the action from filing a petition for conciliation under this act, either on the party's own or at the request and direction of the court as authorized by Section 30-3-17.
3. The filing of a petition for conciliation shall stay for a period of 60 days, unless the court otherwise orders, any trial or default hearing upon the complaint.
4. Notwithstanding any other provision of this section, when the judge of the family court division is advised in writing by a marriage counselor to whom a petition for conciliation has been referred that a reconciliation of the parties cannot be effected, the bar to filing an action or the stay of trial or default hearing shall be removed.

 

30-3-17.  Power and jurisdiction of judge. (1) The judge of a district court may: (a) counsel either spouse or both; (b) in the judge's discretion require one or both spouses to appear before the judge; (c) in those counties where a domestic relations counselor has been appointed pursuant to this chapter, require the spouses to file a petition for conciliation and to appear before the counselor; or (d) recommend the aid of: (i) a physician, psychiatrist, psychologist, social service worker, or other specialists or scientific expert; or (ii) the pastor, bishop, or presiding officer of any religious denomination to which the parties may belong. ...

30-3-17.1.  Proceedings considered confidential -- Written evaluation by counselor.

1. The petition for conciliation and all communications, verbal or written, from the parties to the domestic relations counselors or other personnel of the conciliation department in counseling or conciliation proceedings shall be considered to be made in official confidence within the meaning of Section 78B-1-137 and is not admissible or usable for any purpose in any divorce hearing or other proceeding.
2. Notwithstanding Subsection (1), the marriage counselor may submit to the appropriate court a written evaluation of the prospects or prognosis of a particular marriage without divulging facts or revealing confidential disclosures.

Full text and history of bill as passed both houses

New Utah law gives marriage license discount for premarital education or counseling; marriage commission to publicize couples' options

SB 54: MARRIAGE AND PREMARITAL COUNSELING AND EDUCATION AMENDMENTS, as signed by Governor March 20, 2018

Relevant text:

(d) If a county operates an online marriage application system, the county clerk of that county:
       (i) may assess $20 in addition to the other fees for a marriage license established under
  this section;

   (iii) may not transmit $20 from the marriage license fee to the state treasurer under this
     Subsection (2)(d) if both individuals seeking the marriage license certify that they have
     completed premarital counseling or education in accordance with Section 30-1-34.

  30-1-30. Premarital counseling or education -- State policy -- Applicability.
          It is the policy of the state [of Utah] to enhance the possibility of couples to achieve
    more stable, satisfying, and enduring marital and family relationships by providing
    opportunities for and encouraging the use of premarital counseling or education
    before securing a marriage license

  30-1-34. Completion of counseling or education.

 (1) The county clerk of  a county that operates an online marriage application system and
116     issues a marriage license to applicants who certify completion of premarital counseling or
117     education in accordance with Subsection (2) shall reduce the marriage license fee by $20.
118          (2) (a) To qualify for the reduced fee under Subsection (1), the applicants shall certify
119     completion of premarital counseling or education in accordance with this Subsection (2).
120          (b) To complete premarital counseling or education, the applicants:
121          (i) shall obtain the premarital counseling or education from:
122          (A) a licensed or ordained minister or the minister's designee who is trained by the
123     minister or denomination to conduct premarital counseling or education;
124          (B) an individual licensed under Title 58, Chapter 60, Mental Health Professional
125     Practice Act;
126          (C) an individual certified by a national organization recognized by the Utah Marriage
127     Commission, created in Section 62A-1-120, as a family life educator;
128          (D) a family and consumer sciences educator;
129          (E) an individual who is an instructor approved by a premarital education curriculum
130     that meets the requirements of Subsection (2)(b)(ii); or
131          (F) an online course approved by the Utah Marriage Commission;
132          (ii) shall receive premarital counseling or education that includes information on
133     important factors associated with strong and healthy marriages, including:
134          (A) commitment in marriage; and
135          (B) effective communication and problem-solving skills, including avoiding violence
136     and abuse in the relationship;
137          (iii) shall complete at least three hours of premarital counseling or six hours of
138     premarital education meeting the requirements of this Subsection (2); and
139          (iv) shall complete the premarital counseling or education meeting the requirements of
140     this Subsection (2) not more than one year before but at least 14 days before the day on which
141     the marriage license is issued.
142          (c) Although applicants are encouraged to take the premarital counseling or education
143     together, each applicant may comply with the requirements of this Subsection (2) separately.
144          (3) A provider of premarital counseling or education under this section is encouraged
145     to use research-based relationship inventories.

147          30-1-36. Activities included in premarital counseling or education.
148          (1) Premarital counseling  may include 
149      group counseling, individual counseling, and couple counseling.
150          (2) Premarital education may include:
151          (a) a lecture, class, seminar, or workshop provided by a person that meets the
152     requirements of Subsection 30-1-34(2)(b)(i); or
153          (b) an online course approved by the Utah Marriage Commission as provided in
154     Subsection 30-1-34(2)(b)(i)(F).

155          Section 5. Section 62A-1-120 is amended to read:

156          62A-1-120. Utah Marriage Commission.
157          (1) As used in this section, "commission" means the Utah Marriage Commission
158     created by this section.
159          (2) There is created within the department the "Utah Marriage Commission."
160          (3) The commission shall consist of 17 members appointed as follows:
161          (a) two members of the Senate appointed by the president of the Senate;
162          (b) two members of the House of Representatives appointed by the speaker of the
163     House of Representatives;
164          (c) six current or former representatives from marriage and family studies departments,
165     social or behavioral sciences departments, health sciences departments, colleges of law, or
166     other related and supporting departments at institutions of higher education in this state, as
167     shall be appointed by the governor;
168          (d) five representatives selected and appointed by the governor from among the
169     following groups:
170          (i) social workers who are or have been licensed under Title 58, Chapter 60, Part 2,
171     Social Worker Licensing Act;
172          (ii) psychologists who are or have been licensed under Title 58, Chapter 61,
173     Psychologist Licensing Act;
174          (iii) physicians who are or have been board certified in psychiatry and are or have been
175     licensed under Title 58, Chapter 67, Utah Medical Practice Act;
176          (iv) marriage and family therapists who are or have been licensed under Title 58,
177     Chapter 60, Part 3, Marriage and Family Therapist Licensing Act;
178          (v) representatives of faith communities;
179          (vi) public health professionals;
180          (vii) representatives of domestic violence prevention organizations; or
181          (viii) legal professionals; and
182          (e) two representatives of the general public appointed by the members of the
183     commission appointed under Subsections (3)(a) through (d).

. . . 

207          (7) The department shall staff the commission.
208          (8) The commission shall:
209          (a) promote coalitions and collaborative efforts to uphold and encourage a strong and
210     healthy culture of strong and lasting marriages and stable families;
211          (b) contribute to greater awareness of the importance of marriage and leading to
212     reduced divorce and unwed parenthood in the state;
213          (c) promote public policies that support marriage;
214          (d) promote programs and activities that educate individuals and couples on how to
215     achieve strong, successful, and lasting marriages, including promoting and assisting in the
216     offering of:
217          (i) events;
218          (ii) classes and services, including those designed to promote strong, healthy, and
219     lasting marriages and prevent domestic violence;
220          (iii) marriage and relationship education conferences for the public and professionals;
221     and
222          (iv) enrichment seminars;
223          (e) actively promote measures designed to maintain and strengthen marriage, family,
224     and the relationships between [husband and wife] spouses and parents and children; 
225          (f) support volunteerism and private financial contributions and grants in partnership
226     with the commission and in support of the commission's purposes and activities for the benefit
227     of the state as provided in this section[.];
228          (g) regularly publicize information on premarital counseling and education services
229     available in the state that comply with Section 30-1-34;
230          (h) approve an online course meeting the requirements of Section 30-1-34; and
231          (i) for purposes of Section 30-1-34, recognize one or more national organizations that
232     certify family life educators.

Full text and legislative history

 

Tennessee case highlights marriage-saving original intent of no-fault divorce laws

The marriage-saving elements of no-fault divorce law -- marriage counseling, trial separation/waiting periods to allow reconciliation, mutual-consent requirements/incentives, and case-by-case determinations of whether a marriage was truly "irretrievably broken" by "irreconcilable differences" -- were at the heart of no-fault divorce laws when they were proposed, but largely abandoned when the laws were implemented. But they still shine through sometimes, especially but not exclusively in Tennessee, as today's internet-breaking family law case reveals.

TN court denies divorce under #Obergefell gay-marriage ruling, but also for good, routine reasons

Large California Study: Marriage Education Improves Lives in Lasting, Measurable Ways

Healthy Relationships California released a study of 5 years of data from 17,000 participants in Relationship and Marriage Education (RME). It says it is "by far, the largest study in the field of Relationship and Marriage Education." Findings include:

• 60% of married participants were satisfied with their relationship after participating in an RME (Relationship and Marriage Education) course, increasing to 69% of married participants 6 months after the course;
• 52% of highly distressed married participants experienced a significant decrease in relationship distress after taking an RME course;
• Unmarried participants from the lowest income bracket (under $15,000) increased their communication skills by 80%, while married participants from the lowest income bracket saw a 67% increase in these skills;
• Hispanics, Caucasians, Asian/Pacific Islanders, and all other ethnic groups included in this study experienced a 20% or greater increase in relationship satisfaction, communication skills and problem-solving skills;
• Hispanic participants experienced noteworthy positive impact, increasing their relationship satisfaction by 44%, their communication skills by 68%, and their problem-solving skills by 54% after participating in RME;
• TANF [welfare] recipients experienced lower rates of domestic violence, and reported significant increases in communication skills and job efficacy, after completing an RME program.  

But will this affect divorce statistics? Probably not, unless (1) far more of these programs are put in place, to educate far more people, and (2) California starts collecting divorce statistics. Patty Howell, President of Healthy Relationships California, says, "It is not realistic with the current level of Federal funding for Relationship and Marriage Education work to have even these kinds of positive results show up in the divorce statistics, because of the relatively low saturation level we are able to reach in comparison with the number of married people in the population. With the funding allocated to grantees such as our organization, the Administration for Children and Families requires us to serve several different target populations, (in our case five), including Youth and Singles/unmarried participants.  Accordingly, for Healthy Relationships California, of the 28,885 people we served this past year, 12,000 were married participants, 21% of whom identified themselves as "highly distressed" about their marriage as they began the Relationship and Marriage Education program.  Accordingly, approximately 2,500 of our participants were in the "likely to divorce" category, against a pool of 14 million married Californians.  The fact that our programs show 52% of this "highly distressed" population to be happy with their marriage at the end of the 8-16 hour Relationship and Marriage Education course is a huge win!  Yet, that important result can never be expected to show up against the total number of married Californians until we have sufficient funding for this work that enables us to reach a critical mass."

From "Should We Expect Marriage Education Impact to Show up in Divorce Statistics?" by By Patty Howell, Healthy Relationships California

See also: "What do government marriage programs really do, and what's their real impact?"

America’s Marriage Problem is Incompetence

America’s Marriage Problem is Incompetence

by SETH EISENBERG • OCTOBER 31, 2013 on FatherhoodChannel.com

What is Marriage Skills Education, and Why Do We Need It?

People who work with marriage education have so much to say about it that it is sometimes hard to find a summary of the basics: What is it? Does it work? How? Who needs it? How is it different from therapy or pastoral counseling?

That last one is still a widespread and tragic misunderstanding. Couples don't know about marriage education or don't explore it because, as they say, "We tried counseling." And legislators and policymakers, even those trying to encourage people to get help for their marriages, often don't understand that it isn't "counseling" and can be delivered by trained lay people.

Seth Eisenberg of PAIRS, one of the leading marriage education curricula, addresses this need in his new article, "The ABCs of Marriage and Relationship Education".

Church marriage only about 1000 years old - Garry Wills

"The Myth About Marriage" by Garry Wills in The New York Review of Books, May 9, 2012

 

Marriage Education Conference in Baltimore this July

The National Association for Relationship and Marriage Education, NARME, is holding its second annual conference in Baltimore, Maryland on July 19-25, 2012.  This is the leading marriage skills education conference in the U.S., largely filling the role of the Smart Marriages conferences that were held from 1997 to 2010, including many of the same people — family therapists, educators, clergy, and others interested in helping people improve their marriages, including a few from the legal professions.

Most of the over 100 sessions are on various aspects of marriage education programs. There are several programs on African-American communities and military families, domestic violence screening, and relationship education for teens. Relatively new topics include fatherhood programs; adapting to men’s learning styles; new options for online education programs, and other ways of disseminating knowledge other than in-person classroom-style programs.

 Sessions of possible interest to family lawyers and judges include Prof. William Doherty on “Discernment Counseling for Crisis Marriages”; Houston collaborative divorce lawyer Michael Hiller on “Reconciliation Law: Working With the Legal System to Give Couples the Option of Staying Together”; a plenary address by former Georgia Chief Justice Leah Ward Sears (a native Virginian and first cousin of our late Chief Justice Hassell), and an overview of joint custody nationwide.  There are a couple of sessions on modest divorce law reform proposals for one-year waiting periods like the one Virginia already has, but which involve divorce education and relationship education as well.

For more information and registration go to www.narmeconference.com. A list of sessions and speakers is at www.narmeconference.com/presenters. There are substantially reduced fees for attending only one or two days. Most sessions are July 23-24; the other days are mostly pre-conference trainings.

 

Leading judges launch "Marriage Foundation" to fix root causes of divorce

"Judge launches foundation to reduce 'disease' of divorce:

A senior High Court judge is launching a foundation to defend marriage and reduce of the "scourge of society" of family breakdown."

By Matthew Holehouse in The Telegraph

Sir Paul Coleridge wants to halt the "appalling and costly impact of family breakdown" and said people are looking to "recycle" partners instead of trying to fix their marriages. He said the prospect of 3.8m children in the family justice was a "complete scandal" and "almost every dysfunctual child is the product of a broken family".

He plans to open a Marriage Foundation at a cost of £150,000 a year to lobby for family-friendly policies, hold seminars and commission research into strengthening marriage. ... Sir Paul wishes to encourage people not to have children unless their relationship is stable, and if it is stable, to encourage them to get married.

“Marriage, as the best structure in which to raise children, needs to be affirmed, strengthened and supported. Recycle your rubbish by all means, but be very slow to recycle your partner,” he told The Times.

"We have to rid ourselves of this dream that we are going to find the partner who is perfect in every way: emotionally, physically, intellectually - it’s just a nonsense.

"People want to change horses mid-stream - it’s the disease of the modern age. Soon you find the new partner is as flawed as the last. It is like a hydra: you cut off one head and get rid of a boring partner but inherit 26 new problems, your new partner’s children, family and so on.”

Family breakdown is the “scourge of society”, he added. “It affects everyone, from the Royal Family downwards. In about 1950 you weren’t allowed in the royal enclosure at Ascot [if divorced]. That would now exclude half the Royal Family.”

“It is a myth that children, even older ones, don’t care. They care greatly and a break-up shocks the whole foundation of the family, it never recovers.”

“My message is mend it — don’t end it. Over 40 years of working in the family justice system, I have seen the fall-out of these broken relationships. There are an estimated 3.8 million children currently caught up in the family justice system. I personally think that’s a complete scandal.”

Sir Paul married aged 23 in 1973 and has three children and three grandchildren.

He added: “I desperately want to avoid a moral crusade. And this is not just a cosy club for people who are happily married and can say, ‘Look how well I have done’. It will, I hope, appeal to people of every class, creed and ethnic background — including those who are divorced.”

The organisation is backed by Baroness Butler-Sloss, the former President of the Family Division; Baroness Deech, a leading family academic and currently chairman of the Bar Standards Board; and Baroness Shackleton, a leading family lawyer whose divorce clients have included the Prince of Wales and Sir Paul McCartney.

“The profession has made its fortune from marital breakdown; it is now time to put something in,” he said.

The judge, who awarded a record £48m to Beverley Charman in her divorce against husband John said: “I get intensely frustrated: I see hundreds and thousands of people traipsing through the courts, and nothing is being done about the problems that sent them here,” he said.

However, Anastasia de Waal, director of family and education at think-tank Civitas, questioned the intervention by a leading judge. She said: “It is very important where you’ve got a judge who is making decisions about families that they are not clouded by a particular view but are looking at what is going to serve the family.”

[Hm. I wonder if Ms. de Waal would say the same about judges who have spoken in favor of no-fault divorce. Ladies Butler-Sloss and Deech are leading progressive family law judges.]

•  Marriage Foundation web site

Nagging kills marriages, but people nag to save them -- Is there a better way?

Everyone from my fellow divorce lawyers to my wife is sending me, and talking about, the "Nagging/Marriage Killer" article.

So, will everyone stop nagging? The problem is, often the "nagging" is what one spouse is doing to try to IMPROVE or SAVE the marriage. And what's even worse for a marriage than nagging is when the wife stops nagging, not because anything is resolved, but because she's given up. Nevertheless, the article has a lot of sound advice and analysis about what to do instead of nagging, or how to nag better.

"Meet the Marriage Killer: It's More Common Than Adultery and Potentially As Toxic, So Why Is It So Hard to Stop Nagging?" Wall St. Jnl. 1/25/12

 

 

India: Reconciliations during divorce litigation decreasing

An interesting take, from the other side of the world, on numbers that seem tragicaly small from their point of view, but still very encouraging compared to what little we know about reconciliation here in the West. A common denominator is that, just as in the systems we used to have in some U.S. states two generations ago, they're trying to use the court system as a vehicle for reconciliation, but finding that in modern times most people are too polarized and fearful by the time they get to court.

Most divorce cases end in couples’ separation - The Indian Express, Sun Nov 06 2011

The past three years have not seen any major downfall in the number of divorce cases being filed in Chandigarh district courts. With most cases ending in separation of the two parties, the mediation centre in the district court, which is meant for reconciliation of the two sides, has proven to be of less significance. ... reconciliation has been a rarity in more than half of the cases where couples moved court against each other in the past few years. Advocate Harsh Tandon,  one of the lawyers placed at the mediation centre said, “Reconciliation of the partners seeking divorce and settling their disputes through counselling remains the key endeavour in the judicial system. But there is huge shift in the attitudes of people now. The ego clashes and level of contempt among partners in most of the cases have been extreme. They are highly adamant.” 

“In more than 90 per cent of the cases of Hindu Marriage Act we have dealt with, in past two years, we were unable to save the marriage tie,” added Tandon.

Further, former President of District Bar Association, Advocate AS Chahal said, “Once a person drags his life-partner to the court, the relationships tend to get sour. Over the years, the tendency of moving court for divorce has increased in the people. Marriage ties are being broken within a few months of marriage. The tolerance and ability to adjust is moving down.”

 

 

Chief Justice & therapy professor: Separating couples want "second chances" to rebuild marriages

"Delaying divorce to save marriages" - Washington Post 10/20/11, By William J. Doherty and Leah Ward Sears

 

Study: Divorce litigants still have realistic hopes of reconciling

Some couples pull back from the edge of divorce 

09/28/2011 - By Sharon Jayson, USA TODAY

Why doesn't Ohio fund & staff its family conciliation courts?

"Marriage Saving in Court: Ohio's Conciliation of Marital Controversies" by Cleveland divorce lawyer Kevin Senich

describes a process for conciliation and marriage counseling through the courts that is already provided for in Ohio's statutes; but which no county court system has actually implemented. Courts like this fill a real need, but there are very few in operation anywhere in the country. For a firsthand account of how they work when they are operational, I recommend With This Ring by California Supreme Court Justice, and former conciliation court judge, Louis Burke.

 

"Promoting Marriage" AP story ignores crucial substance, deals in caricatures

"Brownback program promotes marriage" in the Topeka Capital-Journal, distributed by the Associated Press, reports on a state pro-marriage initiative without ever looking at what it is actually about. Instead, it looks at a few of the people who spoke at a meeting with state officials, and reports on what the author sees as extreme things they have said in other contexts, or in letters to the governor.  

Political types' choice to call it "promoting" marriage, and "faith-based", throws red meat to both left and right but completely distracts from what it's actually about. The actual programs that come from these state initiatives are for IMPROVING marriages, and making unwed parents' families more stable (which can include marrying, with proper preparation). The curricula are all based on secular, evidence-based models, but most, not all, are delivered by, and tailored to, churches because that's where most people marry. 

The story also reports, without context, that a participant from  Catholic Charities proposed to "divert $1 million from federal Temporary Assistance for Needy Families to pay for a new marriage program." Another thing the reporter evidently did not know or inquire about is that this has been going on for 15 years as part of the bipartisan Welfare Reform signed by President Clinton. That landmark legislation reduced the welfare rolls substantially, but required that all the money saved should go into poverty-prevention programs, including job training, child care for working mothers, fatherhood programs, and programs to prevent divorce and unwed parenthood - i.e., marriage skills education. 

If you want to learn what people are actually doing to support marriages, check out  http://www.smartmarriages.com. The Smart Marriages coalition and the  American Bar Association Family  Law Section were doing Marriage Skills Education long before conservative groups and politicians  ever heard of it or paid attention to marriage and divorce issues. And though the press isn't paying attention to them, groups that actually work with real marriages and divorces are part of this state initiative, and are a lot more important to it than speakers brought in from out of state for a meeting. 

The need to reduce divorce and unwed parenthood by improving marriage is an issue that transcends politics. People who care about children need to get involved and not be afraid to work with people who have different political and religious beliefs.

Excellent, insightful writing about the class-based marriage gap

Divorce and Statistics | First Thoughts | A First Things Blog.By  R.R. Reno. 

Over 50 years, marriage doesn't "work" or "not work"; YOU do

Marriage wisdom gathered over 50 years - By Colbert King - The Washington Post.

Mr. King is writing about his own marriage here, with insights from others who've been married even longer. It makes lovely reading. Some important and unusual points are:

"“Is our marriage working?” is one of the more asinine questions ...  Marriage isn’t a thing. The question is not whether a marriage is working; it’s whether the two people wedded are clicking."

"Once the knot is tied, leave it alone ... like baking bread, roasting a chicken or whipping up a dessert. Once it’s prepped, and starts cooking, no testing, tasting or stirring. Don’t poke or flip it once it’s on the grill. When it’s done, let it rest. Too many folks get married, only to end up worrying their marriages to death."

"It is the rare married couple that is not learning something new about each other long after heads turn gray."

"I learned that winning was losing. If winning led to unhappiness, then, at the end of the day, I was unhappy. ... Gwen’s happiness ... was essential to my own."

Programs keep marriages strong after childbirth

Here Comes Baby, There Goes the Marriage - WSJ.com. According to this Wall Street Journal article by  Andrea Petersen, "About two-thirds of couples see the quality of their relationship drop within three years of the birth of a child ...  Mothers' satisfaction in their marriages plummets immediately; for men, the slide is delayed a few months."

People are actually doing something about this, and it is working: 

-- "A growing number of hospitals, midwives and doulas (birth coaches who provide physical and emotional support) are teaching relationship skills alongside childbirth education classes."

-- "a 12-hour Bringing Baby Home workshop for expectant and new parents, developed by the Relationship Research Institute, teaches "four steps of constructive problem solving." .. The Relationship Research Institute has trained about 800 people to lead Bringing Baby Home programs since the course's launch in 2005. The program is now offered to couples in at least 17 hospitals across the country. ... In a 2005 study in the Journal of Family Communication, the marital quality for women taking the Bringing Baby Home workshop was relatively stable from just before their child's birth to the first birthday. Women in the control group who weren't in the program faced a marked decline in marital quality during that time."

-- "Another study published in 2006 in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology showed that expectant couples and new parents who participated in 24 weekly group counseling meetings experienced a much smaller decline in marital satisfaction over about five years compared with parents who didn't have the counseling. The rate of divorce, however, was the same for both. The study followed 66 couples with children and 13 childless couples. (Those without kids didn't see a decline in marriage satisfaction.)"

 

"Marshall Plan for Marriage" includes creative new ideas

A Plan for Rebuilding Marriage and Family in America | The Heritage Foundation.
Although this report was issued by a conservative foundation, its specific proposals are nonpartisan, creative, and focused on cultural recovery, not culture wars -- kind of like the original Marshall Plan. Its points are:

"Principle #1: The decision to marry is inherently economically beneficial to couples and their children, if any. Any form of financial penalty in tax policy that masks or subverts this reality and deters marriage should be eliminated."

"Principle #2: Policymakers and program managers should encourage pro-marriage messaging in existing government programs and other already available resources."

"Principle #3: States should recognize that a significant percentage of divorcing couples, especially those with children, would respond to reconciliation efforts and restore their marriages. States should develop policies and programs that maximize the reconciliation option."

"Principle #4: Policymakers should study, recognize, and reward success in marriage, recognizing the power of the bully pulpit and civic leadership to shape consensus and define progress." 

Okla. program reaches & strengthens most low-income fragile families, gov't study shows

Excerpts from an article on Bill Coffin's and Scott Stanley's blogs:

 

Something incredible is happening in Oklahoma!  It’s the innovative Family Expectations (FE) program in Oklahoma City. A large, rigorous federal study has now demonstrated that services to strengthen families successfully improved the stability and quality of unmarried parents’ relationships around the time of the birth of a child.  ... funded by the Oklahoma Department of Human Services and the [federal] Administration for Children and Families, Family Expectations stands to make a major difference in the lives of children who gain an increased chance of being raised in a healthy, stable home.

 ...

 Family Expectationsengages financially vulnerable couples, both unmarried and married, in a wide range of services, including educational classes where they learn skills and principles to nurture and protect their relationship and parenting information about infant care and development. They also work one-on-one with family support coordinators who help these new parents to apply what they learn and to access other community services.

Family Expectations is actually part of two large, multi-site, federally funded studies commissioned by the Administration for Children and Families.  The Building Strong Families (BSF) study, led byMathematica Policy Research, is examining the impacts of such programs on low income, unmarried couples, while another study is examining the impacts on low income, married couples.  In each study, half of the couples were randomly assigned to receive services similar to Family Expectations (intervention group) and half received only the services they might otherwise find in the community (control group).

 

The federal government recently released the results on outcomes at 15 months for the BSF study.  While the national results across sites were disappointing, the findings were so different in Oklahoma that the evaluators drew special attention to the results for Family Expectations (report available here). To start with, compared to most other sites, Family Expectations was able to get more couples through a much greater portion of the intended services.  Likely due in part to the newness of this program model, in some other sites, as few as 40 percent of the intervention group couples ever attended a single educational class together. While many other sites struggled to get and keep couples involved, FE excelled at doing so.  And when it came to making a difference in the lives of couples, those randomly assigned to FE showed a consistent pattern of positive outcomes, including a greater likelihood of remaining together and positive benefits for relationship happiness, emotional support, sexual fidelity, the ability to handle conflict effectively, co-parenting, and father involvement —including a greater proportion of fathers both living with their children and contributing to the cost of providing for their children.  Also of note, the positive impacts were strongest among participating African American couples.

In this type of policy research, it is difficult to demonstrate impacts in community-based, real-world settings. That makes these findings from Oklahoma’s Family Expectations particularly noteworthy. Better still, I believe that the kind of results Oklahoma demonstrated can be achieved elsewhere.  I come to this opinion based on my 25 years of research in this area as well as discussions with the evaluators and with the program’s nationally respected research advisory group. Throughout, FE used procedures that are detailed, methodical, and inventive. That means the procedures could be adopted and used elsewhere.  Family Expectations created a warm environment for the couples that is infused with a commitment to “customer service,” backed by active and strong management, all while relying on existing research that highlights proven strategies for success.

 

Sustainable marriages expand, diversify, improve each individual

The Family Law News Blog: Sustainable marriages expand, diversify, improve each self.

New Govt. Study: What Works in Marriage and Relationship Education?

Quite a lot. This new study by Theodora Ooms and Alan Hawkins, for the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center, focuses on programs for low-income couples. And it has a lot of good news. (I love the new term and its abbreviation, "MRE". They were both  my idea, a couple years back. Or maybe several of us had the same idea. I argued for the term because it puts marriage first, but then embraces other kinds of relationships.) Anyhow, it is both a short, readable introduction for those who are not very familiar with the field, and a comprehensive update on programs' implementation, adaptation, and results.

Because the report focuses on low-income participants in government-funded programs, its findings are more preliminary than the more long-term, existing body of research on other MRE programs with similar content and methods (which it also explains very well). It concludes that there is

"modest, early evidence that low-income couples—despite the
array of social, economic, and relationship challenges
they face—will participate in well-designed marriage
and relationship education programs when they are
offered, will enjoy the educational experience, and will
report that the program is helpful."

However, this conclusion becomes much more significant, providing the missing piece of an almost-finished puzzle, when you combine that with what we already know about the short and long-term effects of MRE in the general population.

Also, the report points out that when they say "modest", they use it as a technical term, usually meaning a 20% to 40% improvement in comparison to control groups. It notes that this is the same amount of improvement delivered by other, long-established kinds of educational programs serving lower income populations. And likewise, that the quality and quantity of studies on MRE programs is as good as that of other kinds of programs. To illustrate what they mean by modest and moderate:

"... couples assigned to take the Army
PREP program had a divorce rate that was one third
that of control-group couples. While statistically
this was a moderate effect size, in real-life
terms this indicates a potentially large and
meaningful difference."

The report also suggests other new approaches: integrating relationship education into many other human services programs, into secondary school curricula, and into the marriage licensing system.

When the Bush administration first proposed a national-level investment in marriage education -- continuing little-known Clinton administration-backed state-level efforts that were a key poverty-prevention component of welfare reform -- some "experts" who were unfamiliar with marriage ed., but were reporters' go-to authorities on domestic policy, said that "we don't know if these programs work", or words to that effect. That was widely repeated for years, but it was only true about new government-backed marriage-ed programs for the poor -- NOT about marriage education generally. But now we can finally lay that mantra to rest . Now we know.

Relationship Support programs & their funding and marketing included in new UK government's platform

The Family Law News Blog: New UK gov't vows sweeping reforms including family policy, civil liberties, gay rights.

Excerpt: "We will put funding for relationship support   on a stable, long-term footing, and make sure   that couples are given greater encouragement   to use existing relationship support."

Sears moves up from 5 to 3, Granholm from 9 to 5 in ABA SCOTUS poll

ABA SCOTUS poll is in sidebar of ABA Journal online

Former Georgia Chief Justice Leah Ward Sears called attention to the crisis of divorce and fatherlessness, and launched a commission and an annual conference to explore new ways to remedy it. Former Michigan Gov. Jennifer Granholm vetoed a package of extremely mild, baby-step incentives and waiting periods to encourage premarital education and counseling.

Background on Sears and Marriage Commission

Background on Granholm veto:
The Argus-Press: Granholm Vetoes Legislation Aimed At Encouraging Premarital Counseling
Granholm Vetoes Legislation Aimed At Encouraging Premarital... (Lundington Daily News - Dec 29, 2004)

Pro-healthy-marriage ex-Ga. C.J. Leah Ward Sears #5 but beating healthy-marriage-vetoing ex-Mich. Gov. Granholm in ABA SCOTUS poll

Pro-healthy-marriage ex-Ga. C.J. Leah Ward Sears #5 but beating healthy-marriage-vetoing ex-Mich. Gov. Jennifer Granholm in ABA SCOTUS poll

Australia’s New Family Relationship Centres and Referral System

As far back as 1999, according to Australian marriage educator Margaret Andrews, “More than one-quarter of all couples marrying in Australia participate in some form of marriage education. … more than 100 agencies and groups throughout Australia offer Marriage  Education programs, many of which are partially funded by the Federal Government.” Marriage education is a truly integral part of Australia’s new comprehensive overhaul of its family court system, the following description of which was condensed  and paraphrased from http://www.familyrelationships.gov.au by John Crouch.

Recently, Australia’s Family Law Act has undergone its most extensive reforms since it was first passed in 1975, with most changes taking effect July 1, 2006, and costing approximately $400 million over four years. The federal government calls this its largest investment in family services ever. The 65 new Family Relationship Centres that will be established across Australia form the core of the Government’s services and will support the reformed family law system. The first 15 opened in July 2006. The remaining 50 will be established in 2007 and 2008.

The Centres are a first port of call when families want information about relationship and separation issues. All family relationship information will be available in one place.

Texas courts give couples a manual and a quiz along with a marriage license

   

When You Get Married is a handbook distributed by the Texas Attorney General’s Office, authorized by legislation passed in 1999. It is available in English  and in Spanish. Besides advice on marriage and legal issues and financial issues (including considerable information about dealing with exes, child support from previous couplings, visitation, etc.) the booklet is also a workbook, with spaces for both the bride and the groom to answer the following questions:

Ga. court requires premarital education

Kathy Schleier at [email protected] wrote:

> Hi Diane,  I don't know if this is what you are looking for or not.
>  Our Initiative was started with the courts here in Whitfield County.  The
> Magistrate Court has always been allowed to marry persons, in 2004 we started
> working with them and they agreed that they would not marry anyone through
> this court without premarital education before they ceremony. We work with all
> the couples that go through the court system to receive their premarital
> education. We are hoping to work with them more with their domestic violence
> cases  and other incidences. We are also starting to work with the DFCS (child
> protective agency) in providing classes for the biological parents of children
> that have been removed from the home.  If that is what you are wanting, I will
> be glad to answer any questions about what we are doing. Thanks
> Kathy Schleier 706-260-1091
> Director Northwest Georgia Marriage Initiative

Chief Justice's commissionon Children, Marriage, and Family Law

Leah Ward Sears, Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of Georgia, established a new commission--The Commission on Children, Marriage, and Family Law. The commission is composed of about 40 state leaders to help strengthen marriage and families. Press release is here: http://www.gasupreme.us/familylaw.pdf.

An attorney in Tennessee asked for our help to establish a similar commission in his state, so we are working there as well.

Please visit the Institute for American Values website for our reports and publications on family law, including See also our reports and book on international family law:
    -- marriage and the law: a joint statement of principles
-- critique of ALI'"Principles of Family Dissolution"
  --  report on international revolution in the definition of who is a parent and increasing role of courts
-- 2005 report on US and Canadian family law trends

Deb Strubel
Institute for American Values
1841 Broadway, Ste. 211
New York, NY 10023
Ph: 212-246-3942
http://www.americanvalues.org

Book by Conciliation Court judge who saved marriages

I've been reading "With This Ring" by the Hon. Louis A. Burke, a judge of the California "Conciliation Court" that was the inspiration for modern family courts and for the no-fault divorce system as it was originally intended. He talks about how he worked with various kinds of troubled couples, and the detailed agreements he helped them work out to heal their marriages.  It's available at amazon.com.

Burke had been a divorce lawyer, a local-government lawyer, and an Army officer and military judge in occupied Germany. He later became a Court of Appeal judge.

Texas courts provide a manual along with the marriage license

Ben Taylor of the Texas Attorney General's office has told me about a marriage handbook/workbook that his office has developed, which court clerks give to everyone who gets a marriage license. It is available in pdfs in English and Spanish.

It not only gives advice about marriage and the financial and legal issues that sometimes accompany it; it also asks  the bride and the groom to asnwer several simple but profound questions, in writing, about their expectations of marriage, themselves, their spouse, and their children.

New Utah law mixes marriage education and divorce education in divorce courts

More info at:

Utah enacts divorce prevention / trial separation package

Malta: Family Court mediation program saves 220 marriages (12%)

[Note: It says the figure doesn't include cases that the parties simply drop. It would be nice to know how many of those there are.
Malta is a small island nation between Italy and North Africa.
If anyone has more information about this, please post it using the "Comments" feature.]

Mediation saves 220 marriages in three years
Malta Today
October 10, 2006
James Debono

Malta. 220 couples whose marriage was on the rocks after entering separation
proceedings are now back together, thanks to the mediation system introduced
three years ago with the aim of avoiding legal litigation and encourage
reconciliation when possible.

It means that 12 per cent of all personal separations initiated in the
Family Court since January 2004 have ended with the reconciliation of the
estranged spouses.

Another op-ed by Chief Justice Sears

This is substantially different from the one posted earlier. It appeared 10/30/06 in the Washington Post.

Time, faith and attorney bring couple back together

Article from the Times Daily about a couple's journey back from the brink of divorce, which began when a divorce lawyer -- now a judge -- encouraged his client to take some time to think about it and to explore counseling before proceeding with divorce.

Mending marriages: Lauderdale judge focuses first on bringing couples together

[This story from the TImes Daily, a newspaper in Northwest Alabama, talks about two judges and an in-court marriage counselor who are offering counseling to couples who file for divorce]

Judge candidates critique divorce law & process

Candidates stress ways to speed divorce.

By ADRIAN ANGELETTE
The Baton Rouge Advocate
Sep 11, 2006

[This article presents the experience and views of four candidates for a Baton Rouge family court judgeship. All four candidates seem to have a lot of family law experience, wisdom, compassion, and a commitment to reform. At least two are involved in collaborative divorce and mediation, and two vowed to stop having off-the-record conferences with lawyers without the clients, which they said gives clients the impression of secrecy and corruption. The excerpts below are about reforms in the availability of divorce.]
…
Pam Baker
An attorney since 1984, Baker said she wishes the state would return to a system in which people first filed for legal separations before filing for divorces. The current system, which requires a spouse to file for divorce right off the bat, creates an immediate barrier to reconciliation.

Baker also said a new Louisiana law that forces couples with minor children to wait a year before getting their divorce finalized will create more litigation. Baker said more people will choose to have “fault trials” — or highly contentious hearings where one spouse accuses the other of horrible acts — in an attempt to shorten the lengthened process.
…
Tom Gibbs
…
Like Baker, Gibbs said he thinks the new state law requiring a one-year waiting period before divorces can become final will create more litigation in Family Court and end up not serving the Legislature’s intended purposes.

“Anything that prolongs the process isn’t good for anyone except for the lawyers,” Gibbs said.

The Legislature’s intention was to give people more time to reconcile, he said.

“It’s just a matter of passage of time. Once the parties get to a lawyer, they’ve already decided the marriage is over.”
…
Melanie Newkome Jones
… And although her parents have “the perfect divorce” and there is no animosity, Jones said, there still are strains, especially for children.

“It’s like the death of the family for a child,” she said.

Michigan Courthouse Marriage Ed. Programs

Diane Sollee's Smartmarriages listserv recently hade an informative post on this issue, titled Civil Marriage Gap/ eHarmony/ Broken Hearts - 8/06.

The full posting includes useful statistics about people who get civil marriages at court houses. Here's part of the posting:

"However, there are two exemplary programs, both in Michigan, that tackle
this problem.  I'll post this to the list and invite others working on
secular marriage preparation to write in.  Let's also hope there are a bunch
that are applying for the demonstration grants that are addressing this one.

"Adrian Michigan: Judge Jim Sheridan very early on in 1997, invited all those
that performed civil marriages in his county to sign a Community Marriage
Policy (CMP).  He realized that the conventional McManus CMPs that organize
clergy in a community left out the civil celebrants and the most challenged
couples.  This effort landed Sheridan on Oprah, by the way.  I am not aware
of others that have followed his lead. I'd love to hear from you if you've
done so.   

"Grand Rapids, Michigan: Mark Eastburg, director of Healthy Marriages Grand
Rapids, points out that if we we continue to focus our efforts only church
weddings, we're not going to change marriage success rates and we'll end up
looking like we don't know what we're talking about.  Mark presented his
model for preparing couples that marry in civil ceremonies at Smart
Marriages and includes guidelines for implementing and avoiding pitfalls. He
was part of a keynote panel, but also did a full workshops on this model. I
strongly encourage anyone working in a CHMI to get the workshop recording
and to get busy closing this gap in your community.

to order, call 800-241-7785:
> 754-317
> Strengthening Courthouse Weddings
> Mark Eastburg, PhD
> The 25% of couples who marry in civil ceremonies fall through the cracks
> and miss out on marriage preparation. This program identified their special
> needs and designed a program that works in collaboration with the courts to
> fill this void. 

The post was a response to a marriage educator/activist asking about programs for civil marriages. He wrote:

> Any input from you or your readers would be most appreciated. If I can learn
> what works in other communities making it work here would become much easier.
>  
> William Seabrook 
> Gastonia, NC 
> 704-865-8460
> mrsea9332 at aol.com

Family Lawyers Teach Kids Marriage Skills

One big thing lawyers are doing for marriage is the American Bar Association's PARTNERS program, in which family lawyers go into secondary schools to teach kids about the realities of marriage and divorce, and essential skills for forming and keeping healthy relationships. The curriculum is based on PAIRS, which some experts think is the best marriage skills program out there.

Georgia's Chief Justice Calls for Pro-Marriage Programs

Leah Ward Sears, Chief Justice of the Georgia Supreme Court, has repeatedly called for cultural efforts and programs to promote and improve marriages, including marriage education. Here are her op-ed on the subject and a much more detailed speech by her on the effects of divorce and single parenthood on society and the court system, and what can be done about them.